“Fawn” and “freeze” in CPTSD often don’t look like we think they should.
When we hear “freeze,” we often think of literal paralysis.
Sometimes that is what “freeze” looks like— but CPTSD survivors tends to be far more familiar with “functional freeze.”
In “functional freeze,” we may not look “frozen” at all to someone observing us.
We may be going about our tasks of the day, doing the things, showing up to work, taking care of the kids.
But inside, we may be at a standstill.
We may be procrastinating on important things that we just cannot get ourselves to do.
It often feels like an internal wall we just can’t get around— and yet, we feel lots of shame about that wall, because we don’t register what’s happening as a trauma response.
It’s easy to mistake a “functional freeze” state for a “choice,” because we’re still doing certain things. We’re not literally, physically “frozen.”
But “functional freeze” is no more a “choice” than any other trauma response.
Trauma responses are not choices.
CPTSD survivors stuck in “functional freeze” would often give ANYTHING to be able to do the things they feel unable to do— even as they’re doing the things they are able to do on autopilot.
A similar thing happens with the “fawn” response.
We may not even realize we’re “fawning” when we are. We may think we’re just engaging with someone in a friendly, accommodating way.
But that line— between “friendly” and “accommodating” in an unchosen way— can be very fine.
We’re told so often to stop “people pleasing,” that we may truly believe we’re making a choice, a choice we could make differently at any moment.
But diverting from that accommodating, people-pleasing default may be harder than it seems.
Our behavior when we’re “fawning” can seem so natural, so freely chosen, that we may not register that we’re actually feeling quite coerced— and quite unable to just choose differently.
Trauma responses that don’t necessarily look like trauma responses can really f*ck with us.
We assume that we would know a trauma response when we see it or experience it— but would we?
After all, many CPTSD survivors are real good at hiding our trauma responses from others.
Who’s to say we’re not equally good at hiding them from ourselves?
It’s true that not every reaction we have is a trauma response.
But when a reaction is a trauma response, even one in disguise, it really matters that we’re able to clock that— because trauma responses can’t be just “unchosen.”
They have to be met with compassion and patience— and, more than anything, tools that create safety, inside and outside of us.
Broaden your thinking about what may be a trauma response.
Functional freezing and fawning in plain sight happen a lot more than anybody realizes.
Breathe. Blink. Focus.
