drglenndoyle

“Wallowing?” Nope.

Exactly zero percent of the survivors reading this are “wallowing.” 

I know, that’s what the culture tells us— that we “wallow.” 

Maybe there are trauma survivors out there who “wallow.” But I haven’t met them. 

I have met hundreds of survivors who feel stuck in their past. 

I have met hundreds of survivors who would give literally anything— up to and including their life or safety— to NOT be stuck in their past. 

I have met hundreds of survivors who have seriously thought about giving up on recovery— and/or life— because people in their lives misunderstand them to be “wallowing.” 

Being stuck in depression, or flashbacks, or addiction, is not making a decision to “wallow.” 

“Wallowing” implies we’re not trying to change. But the survivors reading this know how desperately we’ve tried to change, again and again. 

Struggling to change is far more often a “skill” issue than a “will” issue. 

Do you know how few realistic tools our upbringing and culture give us to change deeply entrenched patterns of feeling and functioning like CPTSD? 

Our upbringing and culture give us gems like “suck it up.” 

Or “let it go.” 

Or “get therapy”— which, while it’s often a good idea and a useful tool, is not an immediate cure-all for the deep, complicated injuries of CPTSD. 

What looks like ‘wallowing” is very often exhaustion and/or learned helplessness. 

“Learned helplessness” is what we call it when we’ve tried, and tried, and tried to make a change, but we haven’t been able to (often because haven’t had the necessary tools or support)— so we lose all faith in our ability to change, and quit trying. 

But that’s not a “choice.” 

That’s not “wallowing.” 

People who accuse trauma survivors of “wallowing” in their pain are implying that recovery from CPTSD is largely an attitudinal problem. 

Don’t get me wrong, attitude matters. But believe me when I tell you attitude does not fix flashbacks. 

Attitude does not banish self harm urges or addiction cravings or suicidal ideation. 

CPTSD is not an “attitude problem.” 

If you’re a trauma survivor who has been accused of “wallowing,” you should know that that is not how smart, kind people talk about other peoples’ pain. 

Smart, kind people get interested in what someone who is hurting needs. 

They get interested in what has contributed to what they’re seeing in front of them. 

They understand that, for all we may be able to observe of someone’s behavior on the outside, there are dozens and dozens (and dozens) of internal pain points and influences that we simply cannot see by looking at someone. 

Yes, I too love the fantasy that CPTSD could be fixed by something as simple as an “attitude adjustment” or an admonition to “stop wallowing.” 

But I had to stop believing in fairy tales when I got serious and realistic about trauma recovery. 

Let them wallow in their stupid, superficial ideas about how trauma and recovery work. 

You work your recovery today. 

Breathe. Blink. Focus. 

drglenndoyle

It’s not about trauma; it’s about life.

We will not recover from trauma by focusing exclusively on trauma. 

That’s a mistake made by some people who don’t understand trauma or recovery— you know, the “get over it” crowd. 

They think trauma survivors’ “problem” is that we focus too much on our trauma. 

 Because, you know, trauma survivors only have one problem, which can be solved by a one-time decision, right? 

I wish it were that simple. 

If we could “get over” our trauma with a one time decision, we would. 

But the reality is, CPTSD involves way more than coming to terms with what happened to us. 

One reason why trauma recovery is so hard is that it’s more complex than just “processing” our past. 

It involves us reshaping our beliefs and behaviors about our life right now. 

It frequently involves us building self care and life skills we didn’t have the safety or support to develop in years past. 

Realistic, sustainable trauma recovery very frequently asks us to change how we think about and mange our relationships— with people, with jobs, with institutions. 

One of the main reasons complex trauma is “complex” is that CPTSD ropes in so much more than the trauma. 

The trauma is the core wound, the starting point. 

But our shadow work extends far beyond that starting point. 

If we only focus our trauma recovery work on the past, we don’t address our eating issues. 

If we only focus our trauma recovery work on the past, we don’t address our money issues. 

If we only focus our trauma recovery work on the past, we don’t address our intimacy issues. 

If we only focus our trauma recovery work on the past, we don’t address our spirituality issues. 

I will die on the hill of, trauma recovery isn’t only, or even mostly, about what happened to us— it’s about developing a quality life worth living, while accounting for the injuries we sustained once upon a time. 

Processing our past is of limited use if we’re still enacting toxic patterns today. 

Processing our past won’t help us if we’re eating or spending ourselves into oblivion today. 

Processing our past can set the stage for developing greater emotional regulation— but many of our triggers for feeling overwhelmed and self-harmful are here and now, not in the past. 

It’s my experience that many trauma survivors (and many professionals who speak out about resolving PTSD) need to broaden our vocabulary and framework when it comes to recovery. 

Yes, processing trauma and detoxifying trauma memories can be enormously helpful. 

But those are only part of this larger, ongoing project called “trauma recovery”— which, itself, is only the gateway to the REAL project, which is called “life.” 

Breathe. Blink. Focus. 

drglenndoyle

Hey, you.

Hello, trauma survivor reading this thinking that everything is going wrong, you’re doing everything wrong, and everybody hates you. 

Nope, you’re not the first, last, or even the only trauma survivor thinking that. 

CPTSD tends to do that to us. 

Standard PTSD tends to be focused on what happened to us— whereas CPTSD is very often focused on who we are, what we deserve, what we can do, how our life is working out. 

The reason for that is, PTSD is usually the result of one, big, identifiable, outside-the-norm stressor. 

CPTSD, by contrast, is most often the result of pain, usually relationship-focused pain, accumulating over time— and often the events that make it accumulate are so familiar to us that we don’t even register them as “traumatic.” 

When we grow up abused or neglected, or if we’re the victim of coercive control over time in adult relationships, there is no one big traumatic stressor to fixate on— so CPTSD goes after us, personally. 

What this looks like in practice is us feeling like garbage about ourselves. 

It looks like us feeling like we’re in trouble all the time. 

It looks like us truly believing that everybody hates us— regardless of what they happen to be telling us or how they happen to be behaving toward us in the moment. 

Many people don’t understand that these feelings and experiences are actually symptoms of complex trauma. 

We think of “PTSD” as “war trauma”— and it doesn’t occur to us that years of being controlled, being manipulated, being subtly (or not so subtly denigrated), being financially or sexually exploited by people or institutions we trusted, all add up to significant traumatic stress. 

That is to say, CPTSD survivors often don’t think of ourselves as “trauma survivors.” 

We just think we suck. 

We just think we can’t do life. 

We just think we’re terrible at relationship partners. 

I can’t tell you how long I went believing that my “main” problem was social anxiety— and don’t get me wrong, I suffer from plenty of social anxiety— while not registering that the literal reason I was anxious around people was because I had been heavily bullied as far back as I could remember. 

Both PTSD and CPTSD can increase our vulnerability to suicidal thoughts— but in my experience, the suicidal ideation of CPTSD survivors tends to be very chronic and very personal, rather than focused on specific memories of a specific trauma, as in PTSD. 

That “I suck and everybody hates me” thing is very CPTSD-coded. As is the “fight” response flavored “…and I hate everybody right BACK” chaser; as is the “fawn” flavored chaser “…but I hope they don’t hate me for hating them!” 

Turns out there’s a reason they call it “complex” trauma. 

Anyway, survivor reading this who thinks everything is going wrong, you’re doing everything wrong, and everybody hates you: it’s not that straightforward. 

Yes, there may be things going wrong. Yes, you may be struggling with some things. Yes, people might have feelings about you. 

But it’s rarely as black and white as “EVERYTHING” sucks. 

That’s Trauma Brain, the internalized voices of your abusers and bullies, f*cking with you. 

I’m not saying you’re perfect. I’m not saying you’re delusional. 

I’m saying you’ve been programmed by complex trauma to sh*t on yourself because you feel like sh*t. And that’s not fair. 

It’s tough to feel like everything sucks and everyone hates you. And I’m realistic enough to know that a post on the internet from someone who doesn’t know you may not help all that much. 

Still, I need you to know: I’ve been where you are, and lots and lots (and lots) of other CPTSD survivors have been, too. 

It’s kind of unlikely we ALL suck the way our CPTSD has tried to convince us we do, don’t you think? 

Breathe. Blink. Focus. 

And meet what you’re feeling right now with compassion, patience, and realism. 

And for what it’s worth, I like you. 

(If people are allowed to DISLIKE you without even knowing you, then I’m allowed to like you without knowing you, too, wouldn’t you say?) 

drglenndoyle

Don’t beat yourself up. Just get back on track.

Don’t beat yourself up. Just get back on track. 

I know, that reaction “shouldn’t” have happened. 

Don’t beat yourself up. Just get back on track. 

I know, you “should” be “better” by now. 

Don’t beat yourself up. Just get back on track. 

I know, “other people had it worse.” 

Don’t beat yourself up. Just get back on track. 

I know, you hate having to even think about this “trauma” or “addiction” or “recovery” stuff. 

Don’t beat yourself up. Just get back on track. 

Trauma Brain, the internalized voices of your abusers and bullies, is going to try to get you to weaponize your “fight” response against yourself. 

It’s probably already tried, am I right? 

But that “fight” response is supposed to keep us safe— and attacking ourselves is the literal opposite of safety. 

Attacking ourselves teaches our nervous system we are not safe with ourselves. That we can’t count on ourselves to have our own back, be on our own side. 

When I say don’t beat yourself up, it’s not just because beating yourself up hurts. 

It’s because that pattern of beating yourself up is going to undermine everything else you try to do in trauma or addiction recovery. 

Plus, we need the energy we’d otherwise spend beatng ourselves up, for the project of getting back on track. 

I understand you’re frustrated. 

I understand you’ve been conditioned to believe you “deserve” punishment. 

I understand part of you is champing at the bit to punish yourself before someone or something comes along and punishes you at a time and in a way you don’t choose. 

It will be uncomfortable to push back against all that. No question.

But don’t beat yourself up. 

Just get back on track. 

Again, and again, and again, and again. 

drglenndoyle

Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.

Listen to me: you do whatever it is you have to do to stay alive. 

F*ck their expectations. 

F*ck their judgments. 

What you have to do to stay alive may not be perfect and it may not be pretty. 

Other people may not understand, and you may have to distance yourself from some of those people, at least for awhile. 

But this isn’t the time for perfectionism. 

This isn’t the time for insisting or expecting that what you have to do to stay alive aligns perfectly with anyone’s idea of what is “acceptable.” 

Just this week I’ve heard multiple stories about what survivors leaned on to stay alive in difficult moments when their trauma was telling them there was no hope and they “had” to kill themselves. 

The stuff that keeps us alive might seem weird to anyone else. 

It might not have anything to do with what happened to us. 

The stuff we do to stay alive may not be part of our recovery indefinitely. I’ve done plenty of stuff for the sake of making it through a rough night, that I could not hold on to long term, because it would end up destroying me just as surely as suicide would. 

Don’t judge or overthink what keeps you alive. 

Just do it. 

And know there is a worldwide community of trauma survivors who do not judge you, either for what you had to do to survive then, or what you have to do to stay alive tonight. 

No shame. No shade. 

Staying alive when you’re under immense pressure to not is the ultimate act of defiance against our trauma. 

And, yes, it can be exhausting. I absolutely understand that. 

And still I’m telling you: stay alive. 

If you’re reading this, consider that you stumbled across it for a reason. Stay alive. 

If you’re reading this, whether or not you have any idea who the hell I am or why you should listen to me: stay. Stay alive, find out, answer those questions. 

If you’re reading this, and you’re angry that I have the balls to ask you to stay without knowing what you’re dealing with, stay alive and express that anger. I’d rather have you pissed at me and telling me all about it than you not here.

I do not have the power to “make” anyone do or not do anything. I wish I did. But nobody does. 

What I can tell you, though, is there are modes and levels you haven’t unlocked yet, and that are unlock-able to you.

Don’t believe me? Stay alive and prove me wrong. 

Do whatever the hell you have to do. 

Breathe. Blink. Focus. 

Stay. 

drglenndoyle

Here’s to my “high maintenance” survivors.

Maybe you’re “higher maintenance” than the average person. I know I am. 

We don’t need to pretend we trauma survivors are a walk in the park all the time. I know I’m not. 

We tend to be highly sensitive. True. 

We tend to struggle with emotional regulation. Also true. 

Our relationship needs and triggers tend to be complicated. Oh boy, is that true. 

None of that makes either you or me less “worthy” of support, or understanding, or care. 

CPTSD is an injury. It’s not a mental illness (not that there’s anything wrong with mental illness, mental illness is not a choice). 

Sometimes our injuries compromise our functioning. 

You break a leg, you struggle to walk. 

Your eyes get injured, you struggle to see. 

And if your nervous and endocrine systems get injured— as they do in complex trauma— you struggle with emotional regulation and attachment. 

None of those symptoms are defects of character— even the ones that seem like personality characteristics. 

That’s not to say we like those symptoms. It’s not to say we don’t work to change or diminish or resolve those symptoms. We do. That’s what recovery is all about. 

But as we work our recovery, yes, we’re a little “higher maintenance” than people who don’t have our history, our pain, or our injuries. 

We trauma survivors have often been conditioned to feel shame because of our injuries and needs. But this isn’t a shame thing. Truly. 

Our injuries and needs don’t make us a “burden”— at least, not in the way Trauma Brain is trying to tell us we are. 

Yes, we may need more support or specific kinds of support to care for our injuries. But that’s true of everyone who has any kind of injury. 

I don’t love the fact that I’m injured. I’m sure you don’t love the fact that you’re injured. 

But we don’t have to love it. 


We do have to be realistic about it. 

And we have to be crystal clear about the fact that injuries do not define us— either our personalities, our worthiness, or our future. 

Trauma symptoms masquerade as personality characteristics— but they’re not. 

They can influence our personalty in the moment— just like an obviously physical injury might put someone in a bad mood.

But we are not our injuries. 

And our injuries do not make us “bad.” 

Yes, caring for our post traumatic injuries can be exhausting and frustrating and annoying. We can resent that task all we need to— that resentment is legit. 

Just know that shame is lying to you. Trauma Brain is lying to you. 

Lying is what trauma— and our bullies and abusers— do best. 

Breathe. Blink. Focus. 

Remember. 

drglenndoyle

Just…just…just…

“Just get over it.” 

Because it’s supposed to be that easy? 

“Just get past it.” 

Because there’s an obvious path to that? 

“Just let it go.” 

Because we never thought of that? 

You’re going to encounter lots of “helpful” advice when it comes to your trauma symptoms. 

By the way, when I say “trauma symptoms,” I’m not just talking about intrusive memories and flashbacks and nightmares and triggers directly related to our trauma. 

I’m talking about all the many, many (many) forms “fight,” “flight,” “freeze,” “fawn,” and “flop” manifest in our lives. 

It can often be difficult to identify a pattern as a trauma response matching one or more of those “F” reflexes— but once you see it, you can’t un-see it. 

Lashing out and struggling to let an issue drop can be a “fight” response.

Bolting a situation (a date, a conversation, a relationship) can be a “flight” response. 

Laughing at a joke that isn’t funny or you didn’t get can be a “fawn” response. 

Your mind going blank when it’s your turn to speak in a meeting (or at the fast food drive thru) can be a “freeze,” or even a “flop” response. 

We often think of trauma responses as these dramatic, cinematic occurrences, but the reality is more of then are woven into our every day lives and interactions than we realize. 

Maybe that’s why so many people feel so entitled to give us superficial “advice” about them. 

We get told to let an issue go— but we can’t, because we’re not holding on to it for no reason, we’re deep in a “fight” response. 

We get told to talk about our feelings before hitting the “eject” button— but we can’t, because we’re not bolting for no reason, we’re being propelled by a “flight” reflex. 

We get told to just relax and speak— but we can’t because we’re “frozen” or “flopping.” 

We get told to just be ourselves— but we can’t, because the “fawn” response won’t let us. 

Our vulnerability to trauma responses can and does get less intrusive and intense as we work our recovery— specifically, as we improve our emotional regulation and build our self-esteem— but we need to understand that trauma responses are not choices. 

Lets say it again, for those at the back: trauma responses are not choices. 

The fact that trauma responses sometimes don’t look like obvious trauma responses can seem to muddy the waters a little bit around this subject, but in trauma recovery we often need to look closer at our behaviors and needs. 

The superficial “just do (X)” advice handed to us by the muggles usually won’t work— and, more often than not, it’ll hit us as condescending or shaming. 

We unwire and rewire trauma responses by acknowledging the wound they’re connected to, with compassion and patience and realism. 

Don’t let someone get up in your head about how “easy” it should be to “just quit” trauma responding. 

If we could eradicate trauma responses with one big, sweeping decision, to no longer “let” ourselves do that, we absolutely would. We would have by now, in fact. 

We have to stay real and compassionate and present with our symptoms and wounds. 

That’s the realistic way out. 

Breathe. Blink. Focus. 

drglenndoyle

Eh, maybe you ARE “in trouble.”

I don’t, actually, know if you’re “in trouble” with anyone right now. 

I do know that “in trouble” feeling is a CPTSD symptom. 

It may not be part of the official diagnostic criteria, but an overwhelming majority of CPTSD survivors with whom I’ve worked experience it. 

Our brain will jump through all kinds of hoops to convince us we’re “in trouble” (and also that people “hate” us, by the by). 

Even if we can’t think of anything we could possibly be “in trouble” for, Trauma Brain will close that loop by declaring we’re probably in even BIGGER trouble than we thought, and it’s going to be ESPECIALLY bad because it’ll catch us by surprise. 

(CPTSD survivors tend to be ambivalent as hell about surprises, if you didn’t know.) 

And here’s the thing: every now and then someone, knowing about this CPTSD symptom, feeling “in trouble” all the time, will try to comfort us by telling us we’re NOT in trouble. 

But how would they know? 

That’s not just my Trauma Brain talking: I mean it literally, how the hell would they know? 

I’ve been in plenty of trouble in my lifetime. 

One of the reasons why my brain finds it so easy to convince me that I’m CONSTANTLY in trouble is because, growing up, I constantly WAS in trouble. 

Whether I “deserved” to be in trouble all those times, especially growing up, is a different question— and, honestly, not a very relevant one. 

If my father decided I was in trouble, I was in trouble. Whether I “deserved” it wasn’t a question he asked. 

Later, as an adult, I created plenty of personal and professional situations that caused other adults to be irritated or angry with me. 

I’ve lost jobs, I’ve ruined relationships. And it would be absurd for me to assert I didn’t RICHLY deserve at least SOME of those painful experiences. 

My point is, it may not be particularly helpful to tell a trauma survivor who has the “in trouble” thing activated that they’re NOT “in trouble”— because maybe they are, with someone, somewhere. 

So: I have no idea if you’re “in trouble” or not. 

Here’s what I DO know about that “in trouble” feeling: we’re going to feel it, jacked up to 11, whether or not it’s reality based. 

And Trauma Brain, the internalized voices of our bullies and abusers, is going to use that feeling to make the case that we “have” to dissociate, hurt ourselves, maybe even kill ourselves, certainly hate ourselves. 

THAT’S the bullsh*t part of this “in trouble” thing. 

Even if we ARE “in trouble,” self-hate doesn’t lead anywhere we “deserve” to go. 

When I WAS in trouble with other adults, it was real easy to use those feelings (and the reality that someone really WAS mad at me) to justify substance relapse and self-harm. 

That’s what we have to manage. 

The “in trouble” feeling does get less intense as we work our recovery, build our self-esteem, and strengthen our interpersonal effectiveness skills. It really won’t be like this forever. 

But in the meantime, know that even if you are “in trouble,” with someone, somewhere, that feeling probably doesn’t mean what Trauma Brain is trying to convince you it means. 

You STILL deserve support. 

You STILL deserve empathy. 

You STILL deserve to have your own back and be on your own side. 

Your worth does not change, even when you feel or are “in trouble.” 

Understand that feeling as the trauma response it is— and remember trauma responses are neither choices, nor character defects. 

Breathe. Blink. Focus. 

drglenndoyle

Trauma responses and the work.

It can be helpful to remember that trauma responses occur in pairs. 

Many survivors are vulnerable to the full range of trauma responses— fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and flop— but it’s my experience that most survivors have one or two that are dominant, and they tend to be linked. 

Speaking for myself, when triggered, I often lead off with a strong “fight” response. 

I get my back up. I instinctively inhabit the aggressive “hurt them before they hurt me” energy that my father modeled. 

But, at some point, a switch gets flipped— and I tend to fall right into a “fawn” response. 

I profusely apologize. I do everything I can to signal that I am submissive, not a threat, not even a presence. 

I summarize my fight/fawn response pattern as “F*ck you; please don’t hate me.”

Mind you, there are absolutely times for fighting and for apologizing— if they’re choices. 

But trauma responses are not choices. 

They’re reflexes. They’re our nervous system getting hijacked. 

(Which can be particularly upsetting, given most survivors’ aversion to feeling controlled— or out of control.) 

Why do we want to pay attention to our characteristic trauma responses? Because our patterns can clue us in to what we need in those moments. 

Fundamentally, what our nervous system needs when we’re trauma responding is to know that we’re safe— but there are different “flavors” of safety, just as there are various “flavors” of trauma responses. 

When we’re “fighting,” we’re not especially in the mood to be soothed. We want validation. 

When we’re “fleeing,” we many not especially care about validation— we want to know there is physical distance between us and the threat. 

When we’re in “freeze,” we want to know we’re sufficiently hidden. 

And when our trauma responses occur in pairs, we can use our understanding of them to anticipate what we might need, and to realistically meet ourselves where we are. 

Trauma responses can be frustrating and overwhelming, and it can be real hard to be curious about them. 

But asking not just what trauma responses we experience, but how those trauma responses pair up— what the pattern is— can give us a framework to explore and understand both our wounds and our needs. 

One of my own issues in trauma recovery is, I feel immense shame about people I may have hurt or alienated over the years with my overdeveloped “fight” response. 

There is absolutely room in trauma recovery for making amends— just like in the Twelve Step addiction recovery tradition, taking responsibility for our behavior is part of healing— but, knowing that I have a fight/fawn pattern, it’s real important I not let the guilt over my past “fight” behavior suck me into prolonged “fawn” responses. 

Pay attention to how your trauma responses shape up and play out. 

There are almost always patterns that emerge, and those patterns connect to our most vulnerable pain points. 

I would not have either a “fight” or “fawn” pattern without my terrifying father looming in the back of my head. 

Which tells me that much of my ongoing work is going to involve supporting the “parts” of me that helped navigate— and how “hold”— the fear and stress of that relationship. 

Your mileage may vary. But this is how we do the work. 


Breathe, blink, focus. 

drglenndoyle

Our stubborn neural architecture.

Our trauma conditioning is constantly, constantly going to try to drag us back to our old patterns. 

If trauma recovery was as simple as just “do different stuff,” 100% of survivors would do different stuff, and never look back. 

But we’re constantly working against deeply conditioned patterns. 

Those patterns aren’t just mental— they’re physical. 

Neurons that fire together, wire together; and the patterns of feeling and functioning that define CPTSD have been physically molded and reinforced inside our skin for years. 

Remember that two of the key components of complex trauma are that it unfolds over time and is functionally inescapable— meaning CPTSD has plenty of time and opportunity to etch itself physically into our nervous system. 

Consequently, when we try to change, we’re going to struggle. 

That struggle has nothing to do with us being “weak.” 

It has everything to do with the fact that we’re working against well-entrenched patterns. 

We CAN change well entranced, physically rooted patterns of feeling and functioning— but it requires us to step back and take the long view of our recovery. 

Which can be hard, when we feel like sh*t and we want to kill ourselves. 

No shame, no judgment. That’s the reality many complex trauma survivors are up against. 

We change deeply etched patterns bit by realistic, consistent bit. 

We change them by getting crystal clear about our goals, and utterly real about what we need to do, day after day after day, to sustainably nudge toward them. 

This is true whether our goals are shifting our patterns of self talk; shifting our patterns of mental focus; or shifting our patterns of breathing and physiology. 

And we have to keep in mind that it’s not a matter of “if” we feel pulled back to our old patterns— that is absolutely GOING to happen. 

We’re going to want to go back to talking to ourselves like we’re someone we hate. 

We’re going to want to go back to focusing on how we suck, how things are supposedly “hopeless,” to the times we’ve tried to change and haven’t been able to. 

We’re going to want to go back to breathing shallowly and physically crumpling into ourselves like a dying star. 

We’re going to be pulled back to those patterns, not because we LIKE them. 100% of trauma survivors f*cking hate all of it. 

But we’re going to be pulled back because our neural architecture takes time to change. 

If we keep doing the recovery stuff, we WILL build new neural pathways. 

The human nervous system is infinitely moldable. Changeable. We call it “neuroplasticity.”

Hell, the fact that our nervous system changes in response to experience is one of the reasons why we’re hurting in the first place. 

Stay on target. 

Keep with the .01% nudges in self talk, mental focus, and physiology, day, after day, after day. 

Understand that pull toward your old patterns for what it is: evidence of your old, but changing, neural architecture. No more; no less. 

This is how we realistically approach recovery. This is how we make it real and sustainable. 

Breathe. Blink. Focus. 

And do the next teeny, tiny recovery supporting thing.