Listen to me: you do whatever it is you have to do to stay alive.
F*ck their expectations.
F*ck their judgments.
What you have to do to stay alive may not be perfect and it may not be pretty.
Other people may not understand, and you may have to distance yourself from some of those people, at least for awhile.
But this isn’t the time for perfectionism.
This isn’t the time for insisting or expecting that what you have to do to stay alive aligns perfectly with anyone’s idea of what is “acceptable.”
Just this week I’ve heard multiple stories about what survivors leaned on to stay alive in difficult moments when their trauma was telling them there was no hope and they “had” to kill themselves.
The stuff that keeps us alive might seem weird to anyone else.
It might not have anything to do with what happened to us.
The stuff we do to stay alive may not be part of our recovery indefinitely. I’ve done plenty of stuff for the sake of making it through a rough night, that I could not hold on to long term, because it would end up destroying me just as surely as suicide would.
Don’t judge or overthink what keeps you alive.
Just do it.
And know there is a worldwide community of trauma survivors who do not judge you, either for what you had to do to survive then, or what you have to do to stay alive tonight.
No shame. No shade.
Staying alive when you’re under immense pressure to not is the ultimate act of defiance against our trauma.
And, yes, it can be exhausting. I absolutely understand that.
And still I’m telling you: stay alive.
If you’re reading this, consider that you stumbled across it for a reason. Stay alive.
If you’re reading this, whether or not you have any idea who the hell I am or why you should listen to me: stay. Stay alive, find out, answer those questions.
If you’re reading this, and you’re angry that I have the balls to ask you to stay without knowing what you’re dealing with, stay alive and express that anger. I’d rather have you pissed at me and telling me all about it than you not here.
I do not have the power to “make” anyone do or not do anything. I wish I did. But nobody does.
What I can tell you, though, is there are modes and levels you haven’t unlocked yet, and that are unlock-able to you.
Don’t believe me? Stay alive and prove me wrong.
Do whatever the hell you have to do.
Breathe. Blink. Focus.
Stay.
