Maybe you’re “higher maintenance” than the average person. I know I am.
We don’t need to pretend we trauma survivors are a walk in the park all the time. I know I’m not.
We tend to be highly sensitive. True.
We tend to struggle with emotional regulation. Also true.
Our relationship needs and triggers tend to be complicated. Oh boy, is that true.
None of that makes either you or me less “worthy” of support, or understanding, or care.
CPTSD is an injury. It’s not a mental illness (not that there’s anything wrong with mental illness, mental illness is not a choice).
Sometimes our injuries compromise our functioning.
You break a leg, you struggle to walk.
Your eyes get injured, you struggle to see.
And if your nervous and endocrine systems get injured— as they do in complex trauma— you struggle with emotional regulation and attachment.
None of those symptoms are defects of character— even the ones that seem like personality characteristics.
That’s not to say we like those symptoms. It’s not to say we don’t work to change or diminish or resolve those symptoms. We do. That’s what recovery is all about.
But as we work our recovery, yes, we’re a little “higher maintenance” than people who don’t have our history, our pain, or our injuries.
We trauma survivors have often been conditioned to feel shame because of our injuries and needs. But this isn’t a shame thing. Truly.
Our injuries and needs don’t make us a “burden”— at least, not in the way Trauma Brain is trying to tell us we are.
Yes, we may need more support or specific kinds of support to care for our injuries. But that’s true of everyone who has any kind of injury.
I don’t love the fact that I’m injured. I’m sure you don’t love the fact that you’re injured.
But we don’t have to love it.
We do have to be realistic about it.
And we have to be crystal clear about the fact that injuries do not define us— either our personalities, our worthiness, or our future.
Trauma symptoms masquerade as personality characteristics— but they’re not.
They can influence our personalty in the moment— just like an obviously physical injury might put someone in a bad mood.
But we are not our injuries.
And our injuries do not make us “bad.”
Yes, caring for our post traumatic injuries can be exhausting and frustrating and annoying. We can resent that task all we need to— that resentment is legit.
Just know that shame is lying to you. Trauma Brain is lying to you.
Lying is what trauma— and our bullies and abusers— do best.
Breathe. Blink. Focus.
Remember.
