Stay away from the wrong people.

You do not have to apologize for staying away from the wrong people. 

The people who trigger you. 

The people who show no remorse. 

The people who mock, minimize, and sabotage your recovery, your dreams, and/or your life. 

Yes, in a practical sense, we can’t stay away from EVERYBODY whose presence is destructive to us— but to the extent that we CAN minimize our contact with even some of those people, we have every right to. 

We don’t have to justify it— especially to anyone who wouldn’t consider our needs and preferences “valid” without sufficient “justification.”

If you have CPTSD, you were likely hurt by people. 

You have every right to effortfully manage your exposure to and engagement with people going forward. 

It is perfectly normal and justifiable to not want to be around what you’re trying to heal from. 

Sometimes, when the person or people who hurt us are family, we get extra pressure to “forgive and forget,” to engage with them regardless of what they’ve done or how their presence affects us. 

You need to know: that pressure is not valid. 

Your needs, your mental health, and your physical safety ARE valid. 

As we get deeper in recovery, we understand more and more that so much of our mental health involves staying away from the wrong people. 

That’s not to say 100% of our mental health is in other peoples’ hands. 

It IS to say that, when we can, we should make certain choices to be safer and healthier. 

We don’t need to bend to gaslighting about whether our concerns or experience are “real.” 

We are not required to give third or fourth (or even second) chances to people who have shown us who they are with their behavior. 

Some people love to get on a high horse and proclaim that there is no justification for cutting people, especially family, out of our lives— that therapists and others go around “destroying families” by recommending patients go low or no contact. 

I can tell you that every time— every single time— a patient of mine has gone low or no contact with a family member or anyone else, it has been their idea.

I can also tell you that I have never, ever worked with someone who took going low or no contact lightly. 

I have, however, worked with many, many CPTSD survivors who truly did not feel they had a “right” to manage who they engage with. 

Many, many CPTSD survivors are thoroughly convinced they “have” to “tough it out” when it comes to tolerating the presence in their lives of people who only make them feel like garbage. 

You don’t. 

To the extent you can, stay away from the wrong people. 

If you do need to engage with toxic people, do what you need to do to manage your self-talk and mental focus before, during, and after engaging with them. 

Take others’ toxicity seriously as a variable that impacts your safety and stability. Don’t minimize it. Don’t ignore it. 

And don’t buy into anyone trying to shame you into having zero boundaries with people who really will ruin your life without a second thought. 

Breathe. Blink. Focus.