Turns out, trauma recovery is hard.

Unfortunately, a lot of realistic trauma recovery is pushing back against what feels “natural” or “normal” for us. 

It’s one of the reasons why trauma recovery is so hard. 

I really, really hate when people come at trauma survivors with advice that starts with “all you have to do is…” or “just…” 

If trauma recovery could be accomplished with a simple shift or a “just…” anything, we would have done it by now. 

The reality is, recovery is complex— specifically because we’re trying to reverse and reshape neural pathways that have been heavily conditioned and reinforced, sometimes for years. 

People misunderstand how trauma wounds us. 

Only part of the pain results from “what happened.” 

Much of what ruins our life is what happens in the aftermath of what happened— the patterns of thinking, feeling, believing, and behaving we fall into and repeat, that get ingrained in our nervous system, in response to what happened. 

People think it’s a matter of “processing” a memory. “Letting it go.” “Moving on.” 

What they don’t understand is that the patterns that make up CPTSD are etched into our literal cells, starting with our neurons. 

CPTSD is a PHYSICAL injury. It literally, physically shapes our neural pathways and the behavior of our endocrine system. 

That does not, cannot, be undone in a moment or with one decision. 

We’re talking about reshaping, rewiring, overwriting old patterns— sometimes dozens of them or more— on the daily. 

That’s hard for ANYONE— just ask anybody who has tried to change ONE longstanding problematic habit. 

Trauma recovery is like quitting smoking times twenty. 

Reversing and reshaping the CPTSD patterns of thinking, feeling, believing, and behaving asks us to push back against what feels familiar. 

It asks us to push back against the punishment and abandonment we may think we “deserve.” 

It asks us to push back against patterns of addiction— not just to substances— that work overtime to make us believe that we simply “can’t” break certain cycles. 

We all need to be realistic about how hard it is to push back against what feels “normal” or “natural.” 

We need to honor the kind of effort and commitment that we were investing in when we work our trauma recovery. 

It’s not easy, and it’s not supposed to be easy— and we’re not “ungrateful” or “whining” when we acknowledge how hard it is. 

To stay alive when we don’t want to stay alive? Hard.

To communicate with our “parts,” when we don’t want to acknowledge we HAVE “parts?” Hard. 

To eat and rest when we are absolutely not hungry and way too anxious to sleep? Hard. 

To continue engaging with recovery supporting literature and tools and people when we are SICK TO F*CKING DEATH of all of this? Hard. 

I hear you. I see you. The hard is real.

And, the hard is worth it. 

Breathe. Blink. Focus. 

And remember that raindrops carve canyons.