Trauma recovery and the zen of checking in.

One of the hardest parts of trauma recovery for many people is the check-ins. 

Trauma recovery thrives on self-check ins. 

So many of us were taught to deny, disown and ignore what was going on with us when we were growing up— physically, emotionally, spiritually. 

It’s really hard to meaningfully recover from trauma without reversing that habit of self-avoidance. 

That is to say: we need to check in. Take our own temperature. 

We need to ask good questions of ourselves— all day, every day. 

If we leave ourselves on CPTSD autopilot, we’re going to fall back into old patterns of self-neglect. Not because we want to, but because that’s our conditioning. 

Realistic trauma recovery means taking care of ourselves— and we can’t realistically take care of ourselves if we’re not paying attention to ourselves. 

Thing is: that’s hard. Checking in with ourselves is a hassle. 

Frequently we’ve gotten into the habit of not checking in with ourselves, because we don’t love what we see when we do. 

We avoid our sh*t for a reason. 

So those self-check ins, that are so important to meaningful trauma recovery, are harder than maybe they “should” be. 

You’re not alone in being reluctant to do it. 

You’re not alone in finding it hard. 

The key to the self check-ins is to not make them harder than they have to be. 

A self check-in doesn’t have to be comprehensive. You don’t need to go down a checklist. 

The main purpose of the self check-in is to communicate to yourself, to your nervous system and “parts.” 

We’re communicating to ourselves that our feelings matter. 

That our needs matter. 

The self-check in communicates to ourselves that, even if we were neglected for years by the people who were supposed to love us the most and pay the most attention to us, we’re no longer invisible. 

We’re no longer expendable or forgettable. 

Something I say to my patients a lot is, “recovery dies in silence.” 

What I mean by that is, we need self-communication in trauma recovery. We need to rewire and recondition how we talk to ourselves, how we direct our mental focus. 

We need to reshape our BS— our Belief Systems. 

All that requires constant, intentional communication inside. 

And that starts with the self check-in. 

“How’s everybody doing in there?” 

Don’t make it any more complicated than that. 

And don’t get discouraged if you don’t get anything back at first. 

Like every relationship, your relationship with yourself is going to take time to develop. 

Easy does it. 

Breathe; blink; focus. 

And check in. 

(Now’s a good moment to start.)