In trauma recovery, we’re all beginners, every day.

We are all beginners in trauma recovery. You are, and I am. 

Some of us “beginners” have been at this for awhile— and that’s exactly how we know we’re beginners. 

Those of us who have the most experience, and arguably the most expertise, in trauma recovery, are crystal clear that we are beginners. 

We begin recovery anew every day. 

We realize that every day presents new triggers. New challenges. New opportunities, yes— but also new risks. 

We realize that no matter how good we get at this trauma recovery skill or that trauma recovery tool, today might serve up stressors that will freak us the f*ck out. Stressors that very well might outstrip our stability and bandwidth today. 

There was a time when I figured I was no longer a recovery “newbie.” I thought I knew a few things about a few things— and, for some reason, I thought that might insulate me, protect me, from the sh*t. 

Now I realize that mindset was a perfect illustration of one of my biggest vulnerabilities. My ego. 

My ego has led me down some pretty f*cked up paths. Including— hell, especially— when I thought I had it in check. 

My ego makes me vulnerable to addiction relapse. 

My ego makes me vulnerable to trauma abreactions. 

My ego threatens to ruin my life every single day. 

I’ve done enough trauma recovery work to know that I didn’t create this “ego” all by myself. Much of it was cut and pasted from the modeling of my father, a narcissistic addict (from whom, yes, I also cut and pasted many of my addiction behaviors). 

But that doesn’t mean I get a “pass” on the “ego” thing. 

My ego constantly tries to convince me I’m above or beyond certain types of recovery work. 

My ego tries to convince me I’m too “advanced” fo “basic” coping skills, tools, and mindsets. 

My ego tries to convince me that I’ve been at this “recovery” thing long enough that none of that “basic” stuff has anything to do with me anymore. 

My ego s full of sh*t. 

I am most at risk in my trauma and addiction recovery when I forget I am a beginner. Every day, in every way. 

So are you. 

We are all beginners in trauma recovery. Every day and in every way. 

We may have been in therapy for years. 

We may have been in recovery for years. 

We may have gone for weeks, months, or years without a trauma abreaction or addiction relapse. 

Make no mistake: Trauma Brain is very, very interested in using that fact against us. 

Trauma Brain is very, very keen on turning what should be a metric of success, into our downfall. 

It’s on us to not let that happen. 

You are a beginner. And that’s the good news. 

I, too, am a beginner. That is also good news. 

It means we get to take our vulnerabilities and the risks of recovery seriously. 

It means we get to be imperfect in our choice and application of all our skills and tools. 

It means we don’t have to worry about looking cool or polished with any of this “recovery” stuff. 

It means we get to ask questions. 

It means we get to worry about this day only. 

 I don’t care how long you’ve been in trauma or addiction recovery: treat today like Day One. 

Embrace beginner’s mind every single day.