Trauma responses don’t occur “for no reason.”

Trauma responses never occur “for no reason.” 

They never come “out of nowhere.” Not really. 

We might not be consciously privy to the reason— now. 

We may not know where our trauma responses come from— yet. 

But we will. 

It will take patience. It will take self-compassion. And it will like take time. 

But how our trauma history informs our reactions and needs will not remain a mystery. 

The connections between past and present will reveal themselves— but we’re going to have to sit with some feelings and memories we don’t like. 

We’re going to have to sit with them— and refuse to judge them. 

We’re going to have to sit with them— and refuse to insist they go away. 

We’re going to have to sit with those feelings and memories— and refuse to judge ourselves for them. 

That’s easier said than done. 

Trauma Brain loves nothing more than to sling judgment at us for our feelings and memories— and then for the reactions we have to those feelings and memories. 

How trauma f*cks us up, broadly, isn’t a particular mystery. 

We experience painful, often overwhelming, sh*t, and our brain splinters us inside, so we can continue to function. Such as it is. 

Our memories get sequestered from our feelings; our feelings get sequestered from our conscious awareness; much of what we experienced gets handed off to dissociative “parts” to hold so we can keep functioning out in the world. 

When we get triggered, the dissociative barriers that keep our memories and feelings sequestered from each other become porous, meaning we sometimes get flooded by feelings or overwhelmed by memories— a problem our nervous system then tries to “solve” by reinforcing the dissociative barriers inside. 

Over time it’s like we become strangers to ourselves. 

The solution to all this is NOT to tear down the psychological walls that have been erected to try to keep everything separate inside. 

If the alternative to dissociative splintering and numbing is drinking from the emotional fire hose, no one would ever give up dissociation as a defense— and why would they? 

The actual solution involves processing and integrating our feelings and memories— a process that goes hand in hand with understanding how our feelings and memories have been informing our trauma responses (and our trauma beliefs, for that matter) this whole time. 

I know. All of this seems overwhelming. That’s not about you; that’s about the fact that, well, trauma can be overwhelming. 

Realistic trauma recovery, however, is accomplished in increments. Baby steps. 

I don’t want anyone trying to drink from the emotional fire hose in trauma recovery. That’s a surefire recipe for flooding and self-harm and suicidal ideation. 

What I do want is everyone in trauma recovery evaluating their feelings and needs day by day, hour by hour, and responding to those feelings and needs as if they were taking care of someone they loved. 

Yeah. Trauma recovery and self-love are inextricably entwined. 

Even if you don’t FEEL especially loving toward yourself, it’s real important you’re open to talking and behaving lovingly toward yourself in this process of trauma recover. 

Consider it practice. 

Trauma recovery is not a mystery. 

Trauma responses can seem mysterious— but there are very few mysteries that can withstand the attention of dedicated investigators. 

Begin by replacing “for no reason” with “for some reason.” 

Replace “what’s wrong with you” with “what’s up with you.” 

Assume there IS rhyme AND reason to your trauma responses, and the trauma puzzle WILL eventually yield itself to you— provided you approach it with patience and self-compassion.