Spiritual abuse is a form of complex trauma that is usually entwined with coercive control.
It’s when somebody, usually in a position of authority or trust, uses concepts associated with God, religion, or spirituality to harm us.
As it turns out, those concepts come in very handy for people who are intent on controlling and exploiting vulnerable people.
We often think of childhood abuse as the archetypal complex trauma, because childhood abuse typically unfolds over time, is functionally inescapable, and entwines with our most important relationships— but many people don’t realize spiritual and religious abuse follow many of those same patterns.
People often sleep on spiritual abuse because it’s often thought that people “choose” to engage with religion and spirituality— as opposed to being part of an abusive family, which nobody “chooses.”
That is to say, people sleep on spiritual abuse because they assume people who endure it “asked” for it.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
People engage with religion or spirituality because they trust it, and they trust the people who they think embody their spiritual values.
Religion and spirituality often explicitly ask people to take a “leap of faith”— so people are encouraged and conditioned to trust, even to turn off their critical thinking or submit.
Some people experience deeply trusting a deity or a religion or a spiritual leader as a transcendent experience— which is why spiritual abuse can be so hard to identify for long periods of time.
After all, many people engage with religion and spirituality specifically because they’re seeking guidance, answers— and, not infrequently, authoritative leadership.
Those very normal human wants and needs, that lead so many to spiritual or religious philosophies or communities can mask abuse and trauma on many levels.
It is a fine line between choosing to submit to someone whose authority you trust and who you believe is aligned with your spiritual beliefs and principles— and being subtly (or not so subtly) coerced by someone taking advantage of your trust and belief.
Many religions have long traditions of enduring discomfort or pain for the sake of spiritual enlightenment— which can make it hard to know when the pain you’re being asked to endure by a “spiritual” authority is not designed for the purpose of your growth, but rather their gratification.
Any situation in which an authority figure is understood to have a “direct line” to God, and/or cannot be questioned or challenged without consequences, carries risk for coercive control, spiritual abuse, and complex trauma.
When you step back from various cults and churches and other groups that tip over from spiritual seeking to spiritual coercion or abuse, you’ll start to notice: they function very similarly to abusive families, down to how their leaders act and are perceived.
That’s not a coincidence.
It’s relatively rare that spiritual abuse inflicts straight up PTSD, as defined by the mental health field (though it certainly can).
It’s far more common for the spiritual and religious abuse to inflict CPTSD, specifically because of the coercive control dimension— and because spiritual abuse does its damage over time, in inescapable contexts, and in relationships.
More people need to know the nuts and bolts of spiritual abuse.
Many survivors of spiritual abuse might think “I can’t have CPTSD, I wasn’t abused in my family.”
But is that really true?
Turns out “family” doesn’t just refer to people who happen to share our name or DNA.
Breathe. Blink. Focus.
And remember it is NEVER your fault when you are harmed by someone with more power than you in a situation or community, who you should have been able to trust.
