So what do we actually do if the last day, or the last hour, was a sh*t show?
Because sh*t shows happen, don’t they?
Maybe we relapse. Maybe we self-harm. Maybe we get sucked into a shame spiral.
It happens. Not “maybe;” this is the real world, and the sh*t show sometimes wins for a minute or two.
First thing’s first, it’s not evidence you can’t do recovery.
The sh*t show is actually part of recovery. Or dealing with it is, at any rate.
Come on: how realistic was it ever going to be that you committed to trauma recovery, then everything was perfect or easy?
That was never going to happen.
You and I have been immersed in our trauma conditioning for years. Decades, most of us.
That’s years and years of Trauma Brain, the internalized voices of our abusers and bullies, beating the sh*t out of us in our head.
That’s years and years of neither our head nor our heart being truly safe for our “parts” or inner child.
That was never going to go away all at once.
The more realistic situation was always going to be reconditioning ourselves, one day, one hour, one decision— one MICRO decision— at a time.
Which means we’re going to have rough moments. Moments where the sh*t show pops up for a return engagement.
That actually doesn’t matter to our overall recovery arc.
You know what does matter, though? How we respond.
How we understand that rough moment.
How we talk to ourselves during and after the sh*t show.
How we direct our mental focus, or at last that sliver of mental focus we can influence, when the sh*t show pops up.
What we do with our breathing and body in those rough moments.
Those patterns really, really matter to our recovery arc. Those patterns CREATE our recovery arc, actually.
Trauma responses are not “choices.”
What realistic trauma recovery is all about are the choices we make when we realize what’s going on, and we actually have some options again.
That is to say: don’t overreact to the sh*t show. Don’t panic. Don’t get discouraged.
Don’t amplify or prolong the sh*t show with what you do next.
Breathe; blink; focus; and remember who you are and what you’re all about. Remember your recovery blueprint and plan. Check your impulse scale.
The sh*t show is not the end of recovery. It is part of recovery.
Every survivor who has ever realistically recovered from trauma has gotten slapped with the sh*t show.
And every survivor who has ever recovered from trauma has learned how to respond to it by doing the next right thing, with compassion, patience, and realism.
Easy does it.
Use Your Damn Skills 