Their world is not necessarily the “real world”– or the world we need.

You are going to be told, over and over again, that you have to live in the “real world”— and that’s true enough. 

But when many people say that, what they often actually mean is, they want you to live in THEIR world. 

You know— the world in which they set the rules and expectations. 

The world in which they get to choose who is “normal” or not. 

The world in which they get to define what you “should” or “shouldn’t” focus on and do. 

That can be very different from living in the actual real world. 

Trauma survivors hear this kind of sh*t all the time— that our problem is we don’t live in the “real world.” 

My question, though, is which “real world” are we actually talking about? 

Because CPTSD survivors actually live in a world that acknowledges the reality of certain things that many people effortfully want and try to not know about. 

CPTSD survivors live in the world where emotional neglect does as much harm as nutritional or physical neglect. 

CPTSD survivors live in the world where mental, emotional, and financial abuse is as destructive as physical or sexual abuse. 

CPTSD survivors live in the world where “let it go” and “get over it” are not actual strategies for any kind of realistic trauma recovery. 

Is that the “real world” you had in mind? 

Or were you just looking for a way to blame survivors for our own pain? 

Here’s the real truth of what I believe: we will get f*cking skinned alive if we try to exist in “their” world. 

“Their” world is most often built on and shot through with denial. 

“Their” world is very frequently ableist on a good day. 

“Their” world is one in which superficial, dismissive advice like “leave the past in the past” is considered profound or actionable. 

No, I do not recommend living in “their” world— even if the try to shame you into believing it’s the only way to be living in the “real world.” 

I recommend creating and living in your own world— one that deeply acknowledges the realities that “their” world conveniently ignores. 

I recommend making your world that is neither “optimistic” nor “pessimistic”— but REALISTIC about the fact that recovery is a b*tch, requires effort and intelligence and tools and persistence…and is absolutely possible, for everyone reading these world. 

I recommend living in a world where YOU decide what is and isn’t “normal”— not somebody who has never walked a mile in your shoes (or walked a mile beside you on your journey, for that matter). 

In my experience, the world that WE create and develop in our trauma recovery journey is far more consistent with reality and recovery than anyone who condescendingly tells us we need to live in the “real world.” 

We create our world with our self-talk, our mental focus, and our physiology. I know I’m going to get sh*t for being “reductionistic,” like I always do when I say that, but it’s true. 

We are not powerless over the world we experience inside our head and heart. 

It’s true that CPTSD has a head start on designing that world— but we can take over the creative reins. 

Breathe; blink; focus.