Birthdays can be touchy for many trauma survivors.
Birthdays often entailed a lot of attention.
Birthdays often entailed a certain amount of pressure.
Even now, birthdays may remind us of the passage of time— and/or the ways we have or haven’t supposedly “lived up to our potential.”
Birthdays are unique in that, every year, they pinpoint a specific moment in time. For this reason memories associated with birthdays can be “stickier” than other memories.
Adding to all that, we are often expected to be happy on our birthday.
And if we aren’t visibly happy on our birthday, we can get accused of having a bad attitude. A “disconnected heart,” as it is.
Then, on top of all THAT, birthdays can often be bittersweet reminders of friends we either don’t have, or no longer have.
It’s very common for survivors of abuse and neglect to have complicated feelings about their birthday.
You’re not weird, wrong, or “broken.”
If you’re reading this, your experience around your birthday may not be great. And that’s a drag.
You may or may not have found the social circle or support network to make your birthday a positive experience.
But none of that is an indictment of you.
An important trauma recovery skill is managing our self talk and mental focus around our birthday.
We need to be gentle with ourselves.
We need to remind ourselves that no one “chooses” to have complicated feelings about their birthday.
And we need to remember that, whatever our feelings about our birthday and whatever else our birthday represents to us, it’s another day working our trauma recovery— and that means patience and self-compassion, all day.
Easy does it. Breathe, blink, focus.
Even if “happy birthday” happens to trigger you— which you’re definitely not alone in.
Use Your Damn Skills 