Trauma recovery hack: avoid loser sh*t.

Blaming victims for their own pain is such loser sh*t. 

Which shouldn’t surprise anyone who understands what Trauma Brain is: the internalized voices of our abusers and bullies, which we unwittingly play on repeat (not because we “choose” to— but because those voices become part of our conditioning). 

Of course it’s loser sh*t. Our abusers and bullies were losers. 

It takes a real loser to victimize someone vulnerable. 

It takes a real loser to evade and deny responsibility the way our abusers and bullies often did. 

Many survivors get to this point in trauma recovery where our shame suddenly morphs into righteous anger about how we’ve been conned into doing our abusers’ and bullies’ dirty work for them in our own head. 

We got tricked into talking to ourselves the way they talked to us— not because we like it or even because we made a “choice” to, but because that’s how we were talked to for years. 

Our abusers’ and bullies’ voices are our models for how to talk to and otherwise treat ourselves. 

We unwittingly, unconsciously copied those losers. 

And at a certain point in our trauma recovery we realize that fact— and we’re pissed. 

And, like any point in our trauma recovery where we get angry, we can find ourselves walking this fine line between anger at our abusers and bullies— and anger at ourselves for buying into their BS (Belief Systems— but also bullsh*t). 

Let’s be clear: it is not our fault that we responded to our conditioning. 

That’s how conditioning works. It’s not a “choice.”

Trauma responses are not choices. 

The people who DID make choices were our abusers and bullies— and they made such unbelievable loser choices that they should be embarrassed for the rest of time. 

It is maybe the weakest decision possible to victimize a vulnerable person or animal.

Which is one of the huge reasons why it’s so important we develop radically different was of relating to ourselves in trauma recovery. 

We absolutely do not want to echo or reenact what they did to us. 

Our “parts” and inner child are vulnerable— and we owe it to them to be their protector, to be the one who listens to them and extends them grace and respect. 

We owe it to our “parts” and inner child to be worthy of their trust. 

All that starts with a commitment not to repeat the past, now that we know we’re vulnerable to it. 

Your and my abusers and bullies were huge losers. 

Their behavior is only useful to us as a negative model for how to talk to and behave toward ourselves. 

A fantastic place to start is: do the exact OPPOSITE of what those losers did. Especially when you’re frustrated with or otherwise feeling negatively toward yourself. 

This is how we build a realistic recovery. 

Breathe; blink; focus.