Don’t assume. Ask.

Many CPTSD survivors find it triggering— infuriating— when others assume things about us. 

When others assume they know what we’re thinking. 

Or what we need. 

Or what we can and can’t do. 

Many people in general find it annoying when others make assumptions about them— but it can really get under the skin of CPTSD survivors. 

Trauma survivors walk around feeling misunderstood about 90% of the time. 

Very often we walk around feeling as if we’re carrying these secrets— secrets about our past and or pain that aren’t safe to tell anyone. 

After all, we know what happens when we’re real about our experiences with many people: they overreact, they jump to conclusions, they push us away. 

We have LOTS of experience with others’ assumptions about us being very, very off the mark— and almost never are others’ assumptions about us complimentary. 

Many survivors have experience with people not being willing or able to meaningfully engage with us about our symptoms, struggles, or needs— and feeling alienated and shamed as a result. 

Take a look around at what the culture thinks it “understands” about trauma in general, let alone complex trauma or dissociation— then imagine those often exaggerated, inaccurate assumptions were copied and pasted on to you. 

Not great, right? 

One of the most healing things trauma survivors can experience in relationships of all kinds are people willing to ask us about our experiences and needs— and who are willing to actually listen to our answers. 

People who won’t treat us like a caricature or stereotype. 

People who are willing and able to remember that we are more than our post traumatic injuries— that our injuries actually get in the way of us communicating who we are. They don’t DEFINE who we are. 

Making assumptions about trauma survivors, what they experience, what they need and want, is condescending and unnecessary. 

Understand that “trauma survivors” aren’t even one big, homogenous block of people— there are as many different kinds of trauma survivors as there are different varieties of traumatic experiences. 

Don’t assume. Ask. 

And then, listen. Really, really listen.