drglenndoyle

Forget extreme. Think consistent.

Realistic trauma recovery is not going to ask anything extreme of you. Really. 

I know, the very idea of “recovery” may strike you as unrealistic right now. 

It may feel like even sort of putting your life back together after the sh*t show of CPTSD may feel like it “should’ require something extreme. 

But my observation, as both a psychologist and a survivor and addict working my own recovery, is that expecting “extreme” things from ourselves only sets us up to feel overwhelmed. 

Yes, we’re looking to create a significant change in our quality of life. 

But significant changes are made up of small, incremental changes— specifically, in how we talk to ourselves, how we direct our mental focus or “spotlight,” and how we breathe and use our body. 

That is to say: realistic trauma recovery is ultimately made up of tiny changes we make in things we can do— things we’re doing some version of already. 

I say make changes so small that it would almost be harder to NOT make them. 

In my experience, the thing that makes most survivors quit trying to recover is, we really struggle to set realistic daily goals. 

We overwhelm ourselves, and it happens for a few reasons. 

Many of us are overachievers. 

Many of us are “fawn” responders. 

Many of us were conditioned to believe that we had to work hard in order be even minimally loved or accepted or safe. 

So, when it comes to setting trauma recovery goals, we shoot high. 

Add to all this that we’re very aware of what a sh*t show our life is now— so we get it in our head that the only way to meaningfully change is to change f*cking EVERYTHING. 

No wonder we set our goals and standards so high. 

I love how ambitious so many of my fellow trauma survivors are. 

It’s true, that ambition frequently derives from our “fawn” reflex and other trauma responses— but our relentless focus and achievement motivation also frequently gives our lives purpose and color that it would otherwise lack. 

That said, our pull to overachieve can bite us in the ass sometimes. Such as when we’re trying to set daily recovery goals. 

I want your recovery to be realistic. To really become a thing in the real world— not stay this interesting, abstract, hypothetical thing you read about on the internet. 

It’s because I want your recovery to be realistic that I want you getting OUT of the habit of thinking extreme. 

I want you thinking teeny, tiny, .01% shifts in how you do your life every day. 

I want you thinking consistent, not extreme. 

Remember that when structures and systems— like our nervous system— are changed by “extreme” things, it’s usually traumatic, and ultimately negative. 

We want positive, chosen, sustainable gains. 

Which is why we think teeny, tiny adjustments in our self talk, mental focus, and physiology— over and over again, day after day after day. 

This is how we make recovery real. 

This is how our nervous and endocrine systems actually change. 

This is how we save our life. 

Forget extreme. Think consistent. 

Breathe, blink, and focus. 

drglenndoyle

Recover for sixty seconds (only).

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tanked an attempt at trauma or addiction recovery because I freaked myself out about what might happen tomorrow. 

Or next week. Or next month. Or next year. 

Actually, you know what? Sometimes I didn’t even have a timeline for the freakout— I freaked myself about what could happen “eventually.” 

Like, all this self-talk, mental focus, and physiology stuff takes an awful lot of effort— what if, someday, I’m just exhausted, and I can’t do it? 

Well then, Trauma Brain responded to me: you probably just shouldn’t even try, my man. 

Remember that this is how Trauma Brain, the internalized voices of our bullies and abusers, operates: it will always, always, always err on the side of giving us an excuse to not work our recovery. 

Including something as stupid as “someday you might struggle with this stuff.” 

The thing is, OF COURSE we’re going to struggle someday. Maybe tomorrow, next week, next month, next year; maybe “eventually.” 

We’re going to struggle with it because recovery is hard, and we, being human, have a limited supply of energy and focus.

But that’s kind of like saying, there will be days when I’m going to struggle to brush my teeth or take a shower, because I’m going to be tired or depressed, and I’m not going to feel like it. 

Would the move then be to not bother brushing my teeth or showering tonight, because at some point I might have a hard time with it? 

Come on. 

Many survivors do this all the time. We get all up in our head about what might happen in the future, whether we’ll stay committed to our recovery, whether we’re going to relapse. 

Trauma Brain and/or the Addiction Best leap right in and tell us that if we do struggle with our recovery in the future, it’ll mean we “wasted” all this time trying to work our recovery— and most people really hate wasting our own time. 

Understand what our pain is doing to us in these moments: it’s making up a story just to get us to quit. 

The reality is, we might struggle with the recovery stuff. Hell, I might even relapse on the substances or behaviors of addiction that have taken a pretty fair run at ruining my life in the past. 

Any or all of that might happen— but will it happen today? This minute? 

Will I self harm, make a suicide attempt, or relapse by the end of this blog? Maybe— I can’t tell the future, even one minute into the future— but I doubt it. 

The fact that I might (or might not!) struggle with any or all of those in a future moment does not mean I have to collapse the wave function and give in to them in THIS moment. 

I will die on the hill of, do not f*ck your head up about what might happen next. 

Do what you can with what you have, i.e., this minute. This one, right here, right now. 

Maybe tomorrow you’ll be exhausted. Maybe tomorrow you’ll be psychotic. Maybe tomorrow you’ll make a different decision about whether you even want to be in recovery. 

So what? 

Can you influence your self talk right now in a supportive, realistic way? 

Can you influence your mental focus right now in a recovery supporting way? 

Can you influence your breathing and physiology right now in a centering way? 

Then do that. 

Your recovery lives in this minute. This one, right here. 

The past is history, tomorrow’s a mystery. 

Work your recovery this minute. Again, and again, and again. 

One of the most brilliant truths ever pointed out to me in my own addiction recovery is that life, as it moves forward, is just a series of present moments— and it’s only ever in the present moment that we have ANY kid of wiggle room. 

So grab it. 

And let the “you” of sixty seconds from now deal with the next moment. 

drglenndoyle

Recovery supporting decisions, big and small.

Want to get good at making big, values consistent, recovery supporting choices? 

Then start with making tiny values consistent, recovery supporting choices. 

I mean teeny tiny. 

I mean little decisions minute by minute, hour by hour, that support your recovery. 

Decisions about what? Say it with me, because you’ve heard me say it before: self-talk, mental focus, and physiology. 

We can always make recovery supporting choices when it comes to our self-talk, mental focus, and physiology— even little, minute by minute choices. 

Right here, right now, you’re talking to yourself. So am I. 

Right now, I’m asking myself, “how can I write this so that my people will understand it?” 

Right now, you’re asking yourself, “is he making sense? Does this apply to me? What is he even trying to say?”

That’s all self-talk— and many of us aren’t even aware we’re doing it. But we are, all day, every day. 

Once we get clear about the fact that we ARE talking to ourselves all day, every day, we can start to see how trauma has mangled our self-talk— and we can start making some values consistent, recovery supporting choices when it comes to how we talk to ourselves. 

It matters, because our self-talk “autopilot” has usually been programmed by our abusers and bullies. It usually echoes what THEY used to tell us, in content and tone. 

Once we’re aware of it, we can make .01% better choices about what to say to ourselves and how to say it. 

Understand: I’m NOT saying that the reason you’re suffering is because you haven’t been talking to yourself nicely. 

What I AM saying is that the way we talk to ourselves is the result of our trauma— and trauma driven self-talk tends to reinforce the wounds we’re trying so hard to heal. 

Recovery is all about these little, teeny, tiny, recovery supporting decisions at first. 

We want to practice identifying and making those .01% decisions, and then give ourselves credit for making them, so our nervous system can get used to it. 

If we try to start making big, huge, 99% recovery supporting decisions all at once, it’s very likely our nervous system will freak out at the unfamiliarity of it all— we’ll get overwhelmed, probably dissociate to Siberia, and find ourselves flat on our back. 

If we want to get good at big recovery stuff, we start with little recovery stuff. Tiny facsimiles of the big stuff we eventually want to do. 

Start with self-talk, but start thinking about little choices you can make about your mental focus and your physiology, too. 

Don’t think too big. Don’t bite off too much. 

Just think teeny, tiny, recovery supporting decisions. 

“If my recovery was firing on all cylinders, what would I be saying to myself right now? What would I be focusing on in my mind? How would I be breathing?” 

We build our trauma recovery decision by decision, and we build our decisions micro choice by micro choice. Recovery Supporting Question by Recovery Supporting Question. 

You can do this. 

I understand the entire project of trauma recovery can feel overwhelming, but I mean it: you really can do it. 

If you start small and stay realistic. 

And meet every choice and question along the way with uncompromising self-compassion and presence. 

Breathe; blink; focus. 

drglenndoyle

Keep it in the day.

One of my own challenges in trauma and addiction recovery has been what they call “keeping it in the day” in the Twelve Step tradition. 

What that means is, manage today. 

We can get freaked out by thinking of trauma or addiction recovery as a lifelong process. 

Trauma survivors in particular are sensitive to feeling overwhelmed and inadequate— and the idea that recovery is this hard, complicated thing we have to “do” every day for the rest of our lives can really mess with us. 

“One day at a time” isn’t just a catchy recovery slogan. It’s a very practical mindset tool. 

It may seem obvious that all we can manage today IS today, but that can be easy to forget. 

We trauma survivors in particular tend to think in big, dramatic, overachieving chunks. 

We tend to go big or go home. 

So it can be hard for us to “keep it in the day”— to focus on this twenty four hours. 

A recovery tool that changed things for me was the morning exercise I learned while listening to a Nathaniel Branden audio program about self esteem: starting each day writing down not only what I wanted out of life, but identifying things I could do that day to nudge toward those goals. 

The rule with that exercise is, ONLY things we KNOW we can realistically do within these twenty four hours can go on that list. 

So, for example: while my “what do I want” goal may have been to “become a psychologist,” “earn a doctorate” couldn’t go on the “things I can do today” list, because that’s a multi-year project.

What COULD go on the “things I can do today” list? Maybe identifying a doctoral program; maybe starting an application; or, later, doing my daily studying or paper writing.

I didn’t actually make progress toward becoming a psychologist until I learned to “keep it in the day.” 

Every recovery goal or task is like this. 

We can look at the larger arc— in fact, it’s important to regularly check in with where we are with our big, little, and medium scale goals— but we have to, have to, have to keep returning to what we can do today. 

We also have to be realistic about what our specific trauma recovery challenges are, today. 

Yes, we can identify larger issues and challenges in our trauma recovery— and, again, it’s important to check in with our recovery arc on the regular— but we have to keep coming back, again and again, to what’s actually on our plate today. 

If we’re not managing today’s symptoms and triggers, we’re not managing our trauma recovery.

When in doubt, keep it in the day. 

Also when not in doubt. 

An always relevant Recovery Supporting Question (RSQ) is, “what are my strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats today?”

(This is known as a “SWOT analysis, and it’s another powerful, practical recovery mindset tool.) 

“Keeping it in the day” doesn’t mean we lose sight of the overall arc. 

It means that our top priority is always our safety and stability today. 

Another recovery mindset tool I value is a perspective from the Rational Recovery tradition that is related to Addiction Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT), which reminds us that the rest of our life is always going to be a series of present moments. 

That is to say, if you can effectively manage the present moment, you can manage your recovery— indeed the ONLY way to manage your recovery IS to manage the present moment. 

All that said: I’m not, actually, one of those therapists who believes survivors should NEVER think about the past or the future. 

I think visualizing the past and the future can be incredibly useful mindset tools, especially when the present moment sucks. 

I think the key to utilizing memories of the past and fantasies of the future effectively is to be really conscious about how and why we’re doing it— rather than letting those memories and fantasies “hijack” our focus against our will. 

But even when we’re leveraging memories of the past or fantasies of the future to influence how we feel and function, we’re STILL managing the present moment and “keeping it in the day.” 

Using those mindset tools produces a result here and now— i.e., it’s part of our toolbox for managing these twenty four hours (specifically, this sixty seconds). 

Whatever recovery tools work for you, leverage them in the context of managing today. 

Don’t freak yourself out about the rest of your life. 

Focus and refocus on the day in front of you, the hour in front of you, the minute in front of you. 

Manage the present moment, and the rest of your life will take care of itself. 

Breathe, blink, focus. 

drglenndoyle

People will disappoint us. And we have to recover anyway.

People are going to disappoint us on this trauma recovery journey. 

I wish that wasn’t the case, but it most definitely is. 

People who should know better and be better, will be cruel and closed-minded. 

People who themselves have been victims of abuse or neglect, will be mean to others who have survived abuse and neglect. 

People who say they prioritize healing, will follow that up with variants of “…but only for people who I happen to like/agree with/find sympathetic.” 

I wish everyone would be kind. I wish everyone would be realistic. 

I wish you and I would only ever counter people on this journey who were secure and compassionate enough to not let their fears or other painful emotions get in the way of their empathy. 

But that’s not the world we live in, is it? 

We live in a world that tries, at every turn, to control us through shame and anxiety. 

We live in a world that very much wants people repeating and preaching the viewpoints of its political and ideological leaders. 

We live in a world where others trying to control and manipulate us is so commonplace, we barely register it— and we certainly don’t register it as anything especially unusual. 

All of this can be enormously triggering to CPTSD survivors. 

It can remind us that we are often not safe, even in spaces we “should” be, by rights. 

Other peoples’ passions and prejudices should have nothing to do with our recovery, but it’s hard to stay focused on the life we’re trying to create when we have people being expressive, intrusive, and judgmental about so many things. 

We can forget that not everybody is like that. 

We can lose sight of the fact this project is about our safety with ourselves, the safety we create on the inside of our head and heart— not anybody else’s opinions. 

I hate that there’s so much misunderstanding and hate out there. 

I don’t know that there’s more out there than there used to be, but I do think the internet gives many people the opportunity to express their aggressive thoughts in far reaching ways that were not available in years past. 

It’s not easy to stay focused on our own trauma recovery in this world. 

But that’s what I’m going to ask you to do. 

I’m going to ask you to do everything you can to keep coming back to your recovery needs and tools— your self talk, your mental focus, your physiology. 

I know: focusing on ourselves won’t “fix” the culture or the world. 

But it will empower you to have your best shot at doing things that can change the culture and the world. 

It will support your safety and stability in a world that is desperate to upend both. 

Focusing on your trauma recovery, every day, every hour, every minute, with compassion and realism, may not be sufficient to change the world— but it is very necessary. 

Bring it back to center. 

Breathe in to it. Toggle that vagus nerve. 

Blink, blink, blink. 

And focus— on who you are, who you want to be, and what you need today. 

Just keep coming back to your recovery needs and goals. 

Easy, easy does it. 

drglenndoyle

Trauma recovery and performative bullsh*t.

A vital part of realistic trauma recovery is avoiding performative bullsh*t. 

Because you’re going to run into a LOT of performative bullsh*t out there. 

Much of that performative bullsh*t is being performed by people who say they’re working a trauma recovery or an addiction recovery— but you wouldn’t know that by their “performance.” 

Recovery really is not about performing. It’s not about looking good. 

Because if we’re honest, there are going to be many points in this recovery journey where we don’t look all that good. 

There are going to be MANY points in our trauma recovery journey where we don’t look like we know what we’re doing. 

There are going to be many points in our trauma recovery where we look kind of lost. 

MANY points in our recovery where we’re going to look cringey. Awkward as hell. 

Not every moment in this journey is going to be picture perfect or Instagram worthy— and you know what? That’s okay. 

In fact, that’s more than okay— that’s kind of important. 

Guess how much actual progress we’d make in trauma recovery if only the picturesque moments “counted?” 

“Not much,” is the answer. 

I’ve made the most progress in my own recovery when I’ve been trying new sh*t (or, at least, new-to-me sh*t)…and I’ll spoil the suspense, I, like everybody else, do not look cool when I’m trying out new sh*t. 

I look like I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m not good at it yet— because guess what, that’s exactly what’s going on. 

Trauma recovery asks us to experiment with some radically new-to-us sh*t. 

It asks us to talk to ourselves in ways we are just not used to. 

It asks us to take control of our mental focus, our internal “spotlight,” in ways we were never taught how. 

It asks us to be aware of and leverage our breathing and physiology in ways that, I promise you, will feel awkward and weird and unsustainable at first. 

All of that feels and looks awkward until we get some serious practice at it— and even then, it’s going to look awkward for awhile. 

But that’s kind of the point: we are not doing this to create Instagram-worthy moments of triumph and grace. 

We are doing this “trauma recovery” thing to save and enhance our life. 

We aren’t doing this to impress anyone. 

We MIGHT be doing this “trauma recovery” thing to spite someone, at least a little— but that’s not quite the same thing. 

Performative bullsh*t will kneecap our recovery. 

It’ll distract us. It’ll have us trying to look cool on the outside, rather than focusing on the changes we’re trying to make on the inside. 

That’s not to say we shouldn’t be proud of our observable progress. We should. I like it when I make progress that other people can see, and it’s okay if you like it too. 

But remember that looking cool, when it happens, is kind of a bonus. 

Also remember that the first realistic step toward being good at something is sucking at something. You gotta start somewhere to get somewhere. 

When in doubt, skip the performative bullsh*t, either on the internet or in real life. 

And always prioritize advice from people who have made significant, sustainable changes in their life over time— whether or not their recovery is aesthetically pleasing for inspo-posting. 

Breathe; blink; focus. 

drglenndoyle

Come for it all.

Come for everything they said you couldn’t have. 

You’ve hard that motivational phrase, right? I didn’t originate it, I’ve seen it quite a few places. 

But it has particular resonance for CPTSD survivors. 

We have very often been told we “can’t” have things. 

That we don’t “deserve” things. 

That we’ll have to give up our “victim mindset” and make better “choices” before we’ll even be supposedly eligible for those things. 

Now, don’t get me wrong: mindset certainly matters in trauma recovery, and I’m all for making better choices, always. 

But I’ve worked with hundreds of trauma survivors in recovery, and I can assure you: “mindset” and “choices” are not their— our— biggest problems in recovery. 

Some CPTSD survivors were told, when they leave painful relationships or situations, that we’ll “never make it” without our abusers and bullies. 

(No, really: some of us were literally told just that, in those words.) 

So, my advice is: come for it. 

Come for it all. 

Come for everything they said was out of your reach. 

Come for everything that you ever imagined was off the table for you. 

Don’t let shame stop you, don’t let fear top you, and abso-f*cking-lutely do not let the internalized voices of abusers and bullies from the past stop you. 

You are absolutely “eligible” for a better life. 

You’re honestly “eligible” for a much better life than you would probably have ever imagined, had you not been introduced to the trauma recovery paradigm. 

I would never, ever wish trauma on anyone, and I am emphatically not “grateful” for what you or I have endured. 

But truthfully, if I hadn’t had to save my own life by getting serious about trauma and addiction recovery, I probably would have slept on such basic tools as self talk, mental focus, and physiology for the rest of my life. 

I probably would have remained a random white dude with middling aspirations and moods I could not predict or influence, like most random white dudes. 

However: things unfolded as they did. 

And here I am. 

Coming for everything they said I couldn’t have. 

And here I am, recommending you aspire to do the same. 

They don’t get to choose or limit what we “get” to achieve. Or feel. Or become. 

Working our trauma recovery and building a life can be hard, and is often not straightforward. And we’re very often doing this functionally alone. 

There are no guarantees in recovery, or in life. 

But I can tell you this: if you’re reading this, you’ve very likely been sold a bill of goods about what you do and don’t “deserve.” 

And it’s most likely BS (Belief Systems—but also, you know, bullsh*t) 

Come for it. 

Come for everything they said you couldn’t have. 

We are not who they they think we are— we are golden. 

Breathe. Blink. Focus. 

drglenndoyle

Consistency and recovery.

There is zero shame in struggling with consistency in our trauma recovery. 

Everybody struggles with consistency. I struggle with it. 

It doesn’t mean we’re not committed. It doesn’t even mean we’re not focused. 

What it means is that CPTSD tends to jerk us around a lot. Hijack us. 

If you’re reading this, you likely know exactly what I’m talking about— what it feels like to be a puppet on a string. 

One minute we can be more or less okay— then we get yanked in the direction of anxiety. Or depression. Or self-harm urges. 

There might not even seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. No particular trigger. 

Realistic, sustainable trauma recovery requires a lot of attention to our self-talk, our mental focus, and our physiology— and it’s real hard to consistently pay attention to what we’re saying to ourselves, what we’re focusing on, and what our body is doing, when we’re getting jerked around by triggers and memories. 

That’s not our fault. Nobody reading this “chooses” to get hijacked by trauma memories and trauma responses. 

Our job is to not overreact to our difficulties being consistent. 

To not overinterpret it. 

To not tell ourselves a story about how it means we “can’t do this.” 

Our job, when we struggle with consistency in our trauma recovery, is to be compassionate and realistic with ourselves. 

Maybe even gentle with ourselves. 

Maybe even (GASP) FORGIVING of ourselves, for struggling with consistency. 

What a concept, right? 

Don’t get up in your head about it. Consistency is hard. And it’s especially hard when we have CPTSD f*cking with us. 

When you get off track, push pause, breathe, blink, focus…and just do the next right thing for your recovery. Just get back on track when you can. 

Consistency is a long game. 

Keep coming back to center. To your recovery goals and your recovery values. To your recovery self. 

Easy does it. Breathe; blink; focus. 

drglenndoyle

Mile One is not Mile 26– but it counts.

The fact that we’re not where we want to be, in trauma recovery or in life, does not negate how far we’ve come. 

And by the way, even if “how far you’ve come” is having gone one day without harming yourself or otherwise relapsing, you have the right to be proud. 

Every long term recovery starts with twenty four hours— and every twenty four hours starts with one hour. 

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re at least sort of, kind of, maybe, considering trauma or addiction recovery, or you’re looking for things worth thinking about when it comes to making your trauma or addiction recovery realistic. 

That’s not nothing. That’s progress. 

So— even if you’re at the very beginning of the process, you’re not at Square One. Truly. 

And but also, you’re almost assuredly not where you want to be. 

No shame. I’m not where I want to be in my own trauma and addiction recovery. 

I’m not where I was, either— and both of those things are true and meaningful. 

The fact that we still have changes to make, doesn’t mean we’ve done nothing. 

Trauma Brain, the internalized voices of our abusers and bullies, is going to try really hard to get you to think these overgeneralized, back and white terms. You know what I’m talking about. 

Trauma Brain is going to try, hard, to convince you that because you’re not where you want to be, because your life kind of (or really) sucks on multiple levels, then you’re “nowhere” in this recovery thing. 

Or that what you have done in recovery— up to and including reading these words— “doesn’t count.” 

My ass, it doesn’t count. 

Sustainable trauma recovery asks us to think not in black and white terms, but in realistic shades of grey. 

Sure, we’re not where we want to be, where we think we “should” be. 

But that doesn’t mean we’re nowhere. 

That doesn’t mean what we HAVE done in our recovery— up to and including these words— “doesn’t count.” 

I run marathons. And I can tell you that after running Mile One, every marathon runner is acutely aware that we have 25 miles left to go. 

But that doesn’t mean Mile One “didn’t count.” 

If I have to run 26.2 miles, I’d rather have run one mile than not. 

The fact that we’re not at the finish line, not where we want to be, not where we think we “should” be, means that we still have work to do, still have goals to focus on. 

But it does not mean we’re still at the start line. 

Radically accept where you are in this “trauma recovery” marathon— not because you want to stay where you are, but explicitly because you DON’T want to stay there. 


Breathe; blink; focus. 

drglenndoyle

Go ahead. Hear some voices.

On today’s edition of Realistic Sustainable Trauma Recovery, I’m going to ask you to hear voices. 

But not just any voices. 

Certainly not the voices you’re used to hearing in your head— the voices of your abuses and bullies, which I call Trauma Brain. 

No, you’ve head those voices enough. On repeat, for years. So much so that you might not even realize those voices are still coming at you, every day, every hour. 

Instead, I want you to install some voices to listen to. 

I want you to hear the voices of mentors. 

I want you to hear the voices of guides. 

I want you to hear the voices of therapists who have had helpful things to say. 

(Maybe not the voices of therapists who let you down or made you feel worse.)

The voices you hear don’t have to be “real” people or entities. They can be fictional characters, figures from mythology, or other people or entities that don’t have “real” voices in the “real” world. 

Maybe the voices you need are voices from historical figures. Once upon a time I was way, way into presidential history, and I got a lot of mileage out of communing with presidents from decades ago. 

Maybe the voices you need are figures from your spiritual tradition that are no longer physically here. Many people describe “hearing” the voices of saints or evangelists that offer them hope and guidance. 

Maybe I’m even one of your voices. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you probably know my toolbox and worldview well enough to guess at what I might tell you in a given situation.

Whoever your “voices” are, I want you to feel safe with them. 

Whoever they are, I want them to evoke in you feelings of realistic hope and measurable calm. 

You remember a few years ago when “What Would Jesus Do” bracelets were all the rage? I’m asking you to think similarly— only your mantra is going to be, “What Would (Insert Your Inspiring or Comforting Mentor Here) Say?” 

Have them mentally on your shoulder. 

Have them mentally in your ear. 

Have them handy, to turn to when Trauma Brain wants to steamroll you with old voices saying old sh*t that only results in you feeling like garbage. 

Think of your “voices” as your cheering section, your support crew, your advisory committee. 

We are talking to ourselves all day, every day, in our heads— and we’re often doing so in “voices” that aren’t quite ours. 

There’s no reason those voices should be voices we find painful. 

Choose who you want in your cheering section. Choose who you want having your back. 

Then, practice “hearing” them in daily situations. Get good at listening for them on purpose. 

This is how we reprogram trauma conditioning. 

This is how we choose something other than our old, default tapes.