One of the reasons being a trauma survivor in recovery can be exhausting is, we forever have people telling us what we “have” to do to recover.
What we “should” do to recover.
What therapy we need to try; what book we need to read; what guru we need to follow.
Mind you, lots of us survivors are super interested in and motivated to learn about and understand what makes us tick and what we can do to change how we feel and function. Many of us are like sponges, we soak up everything recovery or therapy related we can find.
But at a certain point almost every survivor has gotten sick to death of being told what their recovery “should” look like.
The truth is, nobody can tell you what your recovery, specifically, “should” look like. Especially not somebody who doesn’t know you or hasn’t spent a lot of time getting to know what makes you tick.
Books and therapies and therapists can all have interesting, useful ideas— but nobody who is not you has the “secret sauce” for your recovery. Not comprehensively, not all in one place.
I’m super glad survivors have found therapies and therapists and other resources that have made a difference for them in their recovery— but my eyeballs begin to twitch when anybody starts talking about a tool with evangelical fervor.
There IS no one modality or technique that is a perfect fit for EVERY survivor.
(Anybody who says differently is selling something, to quote “The Princess Bride.”)
Why does this matter? Because many survivors have the experience of trying a lot of therapies, therapists, and other tools that came highly recommended— and those tools not working for them as advertised.
Understand, that’s normal, for one type of therapy to NOT be the be-all, end-all of trauma recovery— but when you’ve been told over and over and OVER again that, say, DBT or EMDR is “THE” tool that will FINALLY get you out of your rut…well, the impact can be more than a little discouraging.
You’ve heard me talk all about Trauma Brain, the internalized voices of our bullies and abusers that we play on repeat in our head for decades. One of Trauma Brain’s specialties is convincing us, when a therapy or recovery tool doesn’t do all it was advertised to do, that WE’RE actually “the problem”— and the scope of that “problem” will necessarily extend to ANY tool we try in our recovery journey.
That is to say: Trauma Brain can get us feeling real hopeless, real fast. And that’s no small thing when we’re teetering on the verge of suicidal ideation or substance relapse, as many trauma survivors are on the daily.
My point with all this is: there are lots of tools out there that may contribute to your realistic trauma recovery blueprint— and lots of tools that may not.
I can affirm for you, as someone kind of recognized in the trauma recovery space, that NO tool, philosophy, therapy, therapist, book, or other resource— including the teachings of Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, however incoherent those are— is going to be your one stop shop for your trauma recovery specifically.
Trauma recovery, as far as I’m concerned, is an integrative, dynamic project.
EVERY tool that works, is one that necessarily needs to be adapted to your needs and injuries and strengths and skills (and budget, for that matter).
Don’t get discouraged when one tool turns out to be not all that you hoped for.
Take what’s useful from each thing you try, and add it to the skillset. Maybe it’ll be a big part of the skillset, maybe less so; but remember that your trauma recovery blueprint is the ultimate DIY project.
And that’s actually the good news.
Also remember this: anybody who tells you that the reason “their” tool did not work for you was because you “did it wrong,” didn’t sufficiently invest in it, didn’t understand it, or whatever, may be more invested in the tool (or the reputation of the tool, anyway) than you.
Breathe; blink; focus.
Use Your Damn Skills 