Trapped, controlled, in trouble.

The three most common triggers I encounter working with trauma survivors are feeling trapped; feeling controlled; and feeling “in trouble.” 

Almost every trigger many trauma survivors experience can be traced back to one or a combination of those. 

A useful recovery supporting question is often, “how is this making me feel trapped, controlled, or in trouble?” 

If you can think to ask that question, if you can get in the habit of asking it, the answer usually becomes apparent— and you can start realistically planning how to unwind that activated state. 

As it turns out, there are many more things that make us feel trapped, controlled, or in trouble than we might realize. 

That “in trouble” one, for me, is a real struggle session. 

For me, it can be triggered by a look, a tone of voice, or something shifting in someone’s energy toward me. 

I’ve literally asked relationship partners if they’re mad at me “out of nowhere,” because my hypervigilant nervous system has detected a subtle shift in their vibe toward me. 

Sound familiar? 

Similarly, it’s real easy for us survivors to feel trapped or controlled by attempts to help or support us— if we feel those resources are somehow trying to “make” us do something, or we feel we have “no choice” but to do it. 

It doesn’t particularly matter if whoever or whatever is making us feel trapped, controlled, or in trouble, actually WANTS us to feel trapped, controlled, or in trouble— if our nervous system is going down that rabbit hole, it’s going down that rabbit hole. 

We may not have a lot of say about whether or not our nervous system goes down the trapped, controlled, or in trouble rabbit hole— but if we understand those are our most common triggers, we can start to pay attention to and understand what’s happening. 

When we understand which triggers or combination of triggers is contributing to our activated state, we can make some intelligent choices about which tools we need to unwind ourselves. 

As with all effective trauma recovery, the key is paying attention, saying present, and knowing what to look and listen for. 

Easy does it. None of this is fun and none of this is a “choice.” 

The “choice” we have is whether to be realistic about our vulnerabilities, or nah.