The most important moment & decision in trauma recovery.

The most important moment in our trauma recovery is this moment. 

The most important decision in our trauma recovery is the very next teeny, tiny micro decision. 

Why? Because this moment and this next decision is where we have leverage. 

We have zero leverage “back there, back then.” Any moment “back there, back then” is gone forever. 

We can lose days, weeks, months, years, spinning in retreat about decisions we did or didn’t make “back there, back then.” 

Sometimes looking back on past decisions can be helpful. With a little perspective, we can make distinctions that are useful going forward. We can understand what we were feeling and what we needed in ways that weren’t possible at the time. 

But it’s real easy to get stuck looking backward. 

Some— not all, but some— of trauma recovery is about understanding what happened to us and how it affected us. 

Some— not all, but some— of trauma recovery can involve looking back and piecing together memories or timelines from or past. 

But that work, which we call “trauma processing,” isn’t what moves us forward. 

There’s only so much mileage we’re ever going to get from looking backward. 

No matter how thoroughly we understand or come to terms with what happened to us “back there, back then,” we STILL have to intelligently manage this moment and this next decision in order to move our recovery forward. 

Your mileage may vary— but I find this enormously encouraging. 

It means that, even if I didn’t manage my last moment all that well, or even if I regret the last decision I made, I have a fresh opportunity with this moment, and this next decision. 

It means that my trauma recovery will never, can never, be defined by any moment or decision in the past— by any moment or decision that I no longer have any say over. 

The critics and skeptics of trauma informed and trauma focused work truly don’t understand trauma recovery if they think that trauma work focuses or fixates on the past. Nothing could be further from the truth. 

Authentic trauma recovery is informed by the past and realistically accounts for our past wounds— but it emphatically, unambiguously focuses on the present and the future. 

No survivor works their trauma recovery because we have any delusion about having a better past. 

We work our recovery to salvage and shape our future. 

Make no mistake: focusing on the present and future can be hard for trauma survivors. The present often sucks. The future seems hopeless. Focusing on this moment or this next decision can seem pointless or overwhelming. 

But, as it turns out, a lot of this “recovery” thing involves pushing forward with things that can feel pointless or overwhelming in the moment— but which are recovery supporting in our overall arc. 

Don’t get up in your head about having “wasted” a past moment. 

Don’t beat yourself up for having made a not-great decision. 

Learn what you can from both of them— but remember: no past moment or past decision can define or derail your recovery. 

The most important moment in your trauma recovery is this moment. 

The most crucial decision in your recovery is this next teeny, tiny micro decision. 

This moment and this next decision are opportunities to turn it all around— or to build upon what you’ve already created. 

If you’re reading this, you have the opportunity to live a recovery consistent moment and make a recovery supporting decision— right here, right now. 

And I, personally, believe you’re gonna do it. 

(Even if you don’t— there’s another moment and another choice point coming right up.)