So you’re not the “perfect victim.” And?

So you’re not the “perfect victim.” 

You know what that term means, right? The perfectly sympathetic victim, the victim who never rubbed anyone the wrong way or made a bad decision n their entire life. 

The culture wants all victims to be the embodiment of this “perfect victim” to deserve support. 

The culture is less enthusiastic about supporting victims whose character or stories are more complicated— that is to say, more real. 

In woking with hundreds of trauma survivors, I don’t know that I’ve met that “perfect victim.” 

I’m a trauma survivor, and I know I’m definitely not the “perfect victim.” 

I’m not always kind. 

I’ve definitely made decisions that have made my life worse. 

I’ve definitely pushed away people who were just trying to help. 

Most every survivor I’ve met has been, you know, a real human being. Who has unpleasant moods, makes mistakes, and isn’t always the cinematic underdog you want to root for. 

If you, like me, are a decidedly imperfect victim of trauma, you may have been made to feel like you don’t “deserve” support. 

You may have been made to feel that if you are just more likable, more of a “perfect” victim, then you’d be “worthy” of empathy and time and resources…but you, just as you are right now, don’t rate. 

You need to know that’s a bunch of bullsh*t. 

There is no such thing as the “perfect victim.” 

Everybody reading this is a very real human being— and that means we have flaws. 

We’ve all had moments when we’re not exactly likable or charismatic. 

We’ve all made decisions that, yes, have made our life worse. 

That doesn’t mean the trauma at the core of our suffering is either our fault or our responsibility— but it mans that we, like every other human being in the history of human beings, have sabotaged ourselves at some point. 

It happens. 

And: you, me, and every other trauma survivor out there, STILL deserves compassion. 

We STILL deserve support. 

In all our imperfections, in all our flaws, in all our less than attractive moments, we STILL deserve the chance to recover from trauma and build a life we value. 

The fact that nether you nor I are the “perfect victim” has f*ck all to do with whether we are worthy or capable of realistic recover. 

We are. You are, I am— both worthy and capable. 

Trauma Brain may not be letting those words in right now, and that’s okay. Just sit with them for a sec. 

Our story may not be “perfect.” Our character may not be “perfect.” Our decisions will definitely not be “perfect.” 

And: we are STILL worthy and capable. 

Anyone who says otherwise is revealing THEIR issues— not ours.