When trauma doesn’t look like trauma.

Most people who don’t struggle with trauma fail to understand: the damage CPTSD does to us is not confined to thoughts or feelings or memories of the trauma. 

One of the reasons why complex trauma is, well, complex, is because that CPTSD wound can masquerade as struggles that look wholly unrelated to trauma. 

For example: CPTSD f*cks with our ability to manage time. I consider chronic procrastination a not-unreliable indicator that trauma might be lurking.

It f*cks with our ability to manage money. Because of course it does— money being deeply entwined with pressure and shame and anxiety in our nervous system. 

It f*cks with our ability to perform sexually. Because, again: pressure, shame, anxiety, and add to that the eating and body image issues many trauma survivors experience. 

Oh, speaking of: it f*cks with our ability and inclination to eat. 

Notice how one of those necessarily hooks directly on to trauma feelings and memories. 

In fact, many trauma survivors who don’t have clear, or any, memories of their trauma, do struggle with these, often along with the emotional dysregulation and sh*tty self esteem that most CPTSD survivors know all too well. 

The problem out there in the world is, if you struggle with these things that don’t overtly or “obviously” connect to your trauma— that is, they aren’t straightforward trauma memories or feelings— few people will acknowledge you as a survivor in need of support. 

What they are likely to call you is a loser who needs to get their life together. 

Which is sh*tty enough— but that harsh, unfair judgment tends to dovetail perfectly with the damaged self esteem experienced by many survivors…meaning it reinforces our bad habit of blaming and kicking the sh*t out of ourselves. 

It’s not that “every problem encountered by humans is probably a trauma symptom.” 

It’s that trauma symptoms can cosplay as many unrelated problems that our culture tends to judge and punish. 

I don’t believe in “blaming” struggles and symptoms on trauma. 

I believe in realistically considering the role trauma may play in struggles and symptoms, so survivors can formulate realistic strategies and develop realistic tools to manage and resolve them. 

Ever try to resolve a procrastination issue that is actually trauma based, through the lens of “you just have to get more organized?” 

I have. It doesn’t work. 

The other thing I want people to understand about this subject is that you struggling with life stuff, “adulting,” isn’t you being a “loser”— and you’re definitely not alone in those struggles. 

You deserve compassion and support for managing and resolving these things as much as you do for resolving painful memories and feelings overtly related to your trauma. 

Trauma recovery isn’t just about resolving straightforward trauma symptoms. 

It’s about getting your whole life realistically on track— whatever that looks like and whatever that takes.