Trauma recovery is caring for the “you” of yester-year.

A useful frame for my own trauma recovery has been, this is me showing up for the me of yesteryear. 

The me of my childhood, teenage, and even young adults years, who felt that nobody understood him. 

Who felt that nobody liked him or was on his side. 

My trauma recovery is about showing the me of the past, who I still carry around in my head and heart, that he did, in fact, deserve patience. And support. And acceptance. 

Mind you, I’m quite aware that the me of the past had a lot going on inside his own head and heart. 

I know that once upon a time I threw up plenty of barriers to people who might have been able to relate to me and understand me and support me. 

I’m not saying it was all their fault. 

But I now understand that the me of back then was injured in such a way that he didn’t know how to function without those barriers. 

It wasn’t his fault, any more than it was the fault of the people around him. It was just the nature of my injury at the time. 

I can’t go back in time and be there for that lonely young man. 

I can’t go back in time and extend to him the patience and compassion that he was not shown by some of the people who should have shown it to him. 

Time doesn’t work like that. (Believe me, I’ve researched it.) 

All I can do, now, is care for myself and communicate with those past versions of me with care and understanding. 

The truth is, the past version of both me and you carry wisdom for us. 

Those past versions of us hold memories and experiences that can inform and support and enrich our life now. 

They don’t just carry painful memories— though they may carry plenty of those— but they’re inside us holding the building blocks of who we are today. 

Those past versions of us still need us. 

I’ve always said, over and over again, that for my money the very backbone of trauma recovery is repairing and nurturing our relationship with ourselves. 

Our relationship with ourselves is ultimately what complex trauma in particular damages. 

If we’re going to repair and develop that relationship, we need to make peace with the kid— and teen, and younger adult— we once were. 

That doesn’t happen by accident. 

You and I should have had patience and support and compassion and acceptance once upon a time. It is not our fault that we didn’t get it (no matter how many barriers we may thrown up back then). 

It sucks. 

But we get to decide, every day, whether we’re going to deepen those wounds, or try to heal them. 

That is to say: whether we’re going to stay on autopilot, or work our trauma recovery. 

Easy does it. We can do this. Yes, we can.