Validation really, really matters in trauma recovery.
The core of our complex trauma wounds was invalidation.
By abusing us, our abusers and bullies communicated that our humanity was invalid.
By neglecting us, negligent caretakers communicated that our needs were invalid.
There is a reason why trauma survivors resound so strongly to validation— because very often we are thirsty for it.
Parched for it.
In fact, some times we survivors are so thirsty for validation that something else happens to us: we settle for it.
That might sound strange— what does it mean to “settle” for validation?
What I mean is, there are going to be people who may, in fact, validate our experience or our pain, either meaningfully or superficially— and that will scratch an itch for us that we profoundly need scratched.
But validation might be where their support basically ends.
What many trauma survivors don’t sufficiently understand is that we do need validation— but we need that for starters.
Validation of our wounds is not a recovery strategy.
Validation of our wounds is not the same as tools and ongoing support (though validation is, of course, an element of support).
Having been in the space of publicly supporting trauma survivors in their recovery for almost ten years now, I’ve observed something: there are many social media personalities who will, in fact, validate our experience as trauma survivors.
I’m glad we’re in an era where, even as the world continues to largely ignore and invalidate CPTSD survivors’ experiences, many survivors can turn to social media creators and communities for validation.
However, I want all survivors to clearly understand that validation, as important a tool and experience as it is, isn’t meant to get us across the finish line of our recovery.
I know of survivors who, even as they find validation-focused trauma recovery content helpful, get frustrated— usually with themselves— for not knowing what to do next.
Unfortunately, a realistic trauma recovery blueprint needs to entail more than validating quotes.
A realistic trauma recovery blueprint very much needs to involve more than various kinds of assurances that what happened to us, shouldn’t have happened to us— as true and validating and important as that is.
Sustainable trauma recovery ultimately has to run on more than validation.
Mind you: it’s difficult to generate trauma recovery content on the internet that both goes beyond validation, and also applies broadly enough to do numbers. I know, I’m faced with that task every day.
That is: I understand why so many trauma-focused creators begin and end with validation.
But what I want you, my audience, to understand is, you’re not supposed to collect all these quotes and suddenly, magically understand what the nuts and bolts of your individual trauma recovery is all about day to day.
In my content, I do my best to balance validation with applicable knowledge, skills, tools, and philosophies that apply to most survivors, most of the time— but I know I don’t always get that balance perfect.
The point is: don’t feel bad if all the validating, evocative trauma recovery content you consume online still leaves you with questions or struggles in designing your recovery.
CPTSD recovery is not easy. The nuts and bolts of CPTSD recovery are often counterintuitive. And every survivor’s recovery is highly individual— what worked and works for me may lead you into crisis. It’s anything but one size fits all.
I believe it’s worth the trouble to continue generating trauma recovery content online, and, to be clear, I am so glad there are other content creators who also offer trauma survivors food for thought every day on the internet.
Just remember: quotes and other nuggets of inspiration do not replace tools and strategies.
And validation of our past experience, while crucial, is not the same as managing today or designing a future.
Use Your Damn Skills 