One of my biggest challenges in trauma recovery is not making excuses for following up with trauma recovery tasks and tools I can use— but Trauma Brain tries to convince me I can’t.
We need to remember that Trauma Brain— the voices of our bullies and abusers we’ve internalized as programming that influences what we think, how we feel, and what we do— always wants us to NOT use our trauma recovery tools.
Trauma Brain does NOT want us being mindful of how we’re talking to ourselves.
Trauma Brain does NOT want us being purposeful about what we picture in our mind’s eye.
Trauma Brain does NOT want us being intentional about how we breathe and use our body.
At every turn, Trauma Brain will do its best to convince us that there are perfectly valid reasons why we shouldn’t, or shouldn’t have to, use our trauma recovery tools— and I know that one of my biggest vulnerabilities in recovery is just going along with its arguments.
After all, Trauma Brain makes it easy to go along with it. It frames its arguments in seductive ways. It can be very persuasive.
What Trauma Brain is not, however, is on the side of our recovery.
Remember what Trauma Brain actually wants: it wants you miserable, it wants you paralyzed, and ultimately it wants you dead.
The reason it wants those things is simple: Trauma Brain, again, is the internalized voices and attitudes and beliefs of our bullies and abusers— and THEY want us miserable, paralyzed, and maybe even dead.
What Trauma Brain does, at least to me, is make it very easy to not use my skills.
(Yes, my “damn” skills, even.)
It tells me it’s too much hassle to use my skills.
It tells me my skills won’t make a difference anyway.
It tells me I’m not worthy of the life I’m supposed to build in recovery in the first place, so it’s kind of laughable that I’d even want or try to use my skills.
Blah, blah blah.
So it gives me every opportunity to make excuses for not doing things that are, actually, within my ability to do— because every trauma recovery tool boils down to SOME combination of self-talk, mental focus, and breathing/body awareness.
I can use all of those tools. Maybe not perfectly, maybe not profoundly— but I can use them.
Unless, that is, I’m letting Trauma Brain talk me into making excuses to NOT use them.
This is what so many people— most of whom are NOT trauma survivors in recovery— misunderstand about trauma work and recovery: working our recovery is actually the OPPOSITE of making excuses or dodging responsibility.
Trauma Recovery asks— demands— that we be more accountable and self-responsible than most of us have ever been in our lives. And way, way more accountable and responsible than our bullies and abusers are capable of being on their best day.
I can make choices tonight, and every night, that support my recovery— but no one else can make those choices for me.
I can choose to read things and listen to things and watch things that refine my recovery skllst— but no one else can read or listen or watch those things for me.
I can decide that the worst night in purposeful recovery is better than the “best” night of letting trauma kick my ass— but no one else can make that decision for me.
Trust me: I’ve tried every single angle imaginable to NOT be responsible or accountable for my behavior. And I’m a relatively smart guy; I can make certain excuses sound real good. For a minute, at least.
But that sh*t never got me closer to meaningful recovery or a life worth living.
Mostly it just ruined my relationships and cost me years of my life that I’ll never get back.
So, now, my daily mantra in trauma recovery is: realistic responsibility and radical accountability.
I will always be at risk for making excuses— I am, after all, a trauma survivor, and I will always be vulnerable to Trauma Brain— but I take seriously my responsibly to manage that risk.
It’s not easy.
But anything worth having, is worth fighting for.
Use Your Damn Skills 