Don’t measure your life in “shoulds.”

Don’t think about your recovery in terms of where you “should” be. 

That perspective gives you lots of ways to feel bad— and relatively few ways to feel good. 

Think about your recovery in terms of what you need today. 

Think about your recovery in terms of what you need THIS MINUTE. 

Recovery is not an accomplishment. No one’s ever going to give us a medal for it— because, to much of the world, NOT getting our ass kicked by trauma or addiction is what we “should” be doing anyway. 

There are absolutely people out there who think recovery is no big deal, because people “shouldn’t” “let” their lives get derailed by trauma or addiction in the first place. 

As if we “let” our lives get hijacked by trauma or addiction. 

Nobody reading this “let” that happen— at least, not on purpose. 

Everyone reading this was surprised and dismayed when trauma or addiction showed up to ruin their lives and steal their dreams.

Not one person reading this would “choose” that— not for our worst enemy. 

I agree, trauma or addiction “shouldn’t” derail peoples’ lives— because trauma and addiction, in the best of all worlds, “shouldn’t” even exist, shouldn’t even TOUCH people’s lives. 

But they do. And they do. 

You did not choose the hand you were dealt. 

All you can choose is how you play it. 

And we CAN get better at this game of life— but the WAY we get better is through recovery. 

Recovery is not the goal. It is the path. 

It is not an accomplishment. It is the TOOL we use to accomplish what REALLY matters to us in life. 

It took me awhile to figure out that measuring my life in “shoulds” was an AMAZING way to feel absolutely terrible. 

But that impulse is so strong. 

Everywhere we turn people want to measure our lives in “shoulds.” 

Are we doing what we “should?” 

Are we THINKING what we “should?” 

Are we feeling what we “should?” 

(As if we choose our feelings.) 

Resist the temptation of to “should” all over yourself— or your life. 

Don’t think about the huge mountain in front of you. 

The truth is, we have absolutely no idea how big that mountain really is— but we can surely freak ourselves out if we focus on its size. 

You just focus on the step in front of you on the path. 

We’re gong to climb this mountain like any climber climbs any mountain— one step at a time. 

We’re going to pay attention to what each step needs from us in terms of balance, focus, and energy. 

We’re going to only focus on making this step as efficiently and safely as we can. 

No more; no less. 

There are no “shoulds.” Not really. 

Just focus on THIS step.