You’re gonna have people try to police your experience.
I’m positive almost everyone reading this has had this happen to them— probably recently.
You’re going to have people tell you you obviously don’t have a certain problem because you look a certain kind of way.
You’re going to have people tell you you obviously didn’t have certain kinds of experiences growing up because of what they think they know about your history.
You’re going to have people tell you that they know what you’re struggling with better than you do.
None of it is going to have ANYTHING to do with your ACTUAL experience— but that won’t matter to “them.”
Here’s the thing: when people are passing judgment on what you supposedly should or shouldn’t feel, they’re not REALLY talking about YOU.
They’re talking about themselves.
Most people who seem to have strong feelings about what you’re going through probably don’t even know you, or know you all that well.
They can’t POSSIBLY know all the ins and outs of your struggle.
But their strong feelings are often not even ABOUT your struggle.
Their strong feelings are about THEIR life, their struggle— and their fears.
Complex trauma is often under appreciated and misunderstood because the entire CONCEPT scares the living daylights out of some people.
They don’t like to think that there is ANYTHING that can make human beings feel and act so “crazy.”
They want to deny it, disown it, minimize it, stigmatize it…because they truly believe, if they can get away with blaming the victim of complex trauma for their own suffering, that somehow “inoculates” them against similar “craziness.”
But it won’t.
Trauma, including complex trauma, doesn’t discriminate. Every human being, under the right— or wrong— circumstances can develop the pattern of beliefs, reactions, and behaviors that we call complex trauma.
Trying to blame survivors for their own trauma doesn’t magically make anyone invulnerable to trauma.
Complex trauma and dissociation can be scary. They’re scariest to the people who have to live with them, every day.
Imagine trying to live, work, and conduct relationships in a haunted house that you can’t leave. That’s what trying to live with trauma and dissociation is like.
The thing is, we didn’t ASK to tour this haunted house.
Most of us woke up one day to find that we’d been RAISED in it.
Don’t let “them” get in your head about your trauma or your role in your suffering.
Trust me, in trauma recovery, we take responsibility for a LOT of things, and hold ourselves HIGHLY accountable. There is no “dodging responsibility” in genuine recovery.
But what we DON’T do is buy into “their” fantasy that trauma can somehow be avoided or negated through sheer will or bravado.
Yeah. They’ll try to police your experience— get YOU to feel a certain kind of way about what happened to YOU, what YOU’RE going through.
Just remember: that’s about them. Not you.
You just keep working your recovery— one day at a time.
One thought on ““They” will try to police your experience & recovery. Don’t bite.”
Yes, I realize now that even believing that evil does indeed exist is so horrifying to accept that it can take decades to see it as such. When it’s in the news or in a history account, it’s easier to see it. But within the personal realm, the mind can turn from it, excuse it as blunder, attempt to rationalize it. It’s strange. Is it any wonder others hearing of it can’t see it or accept it? This realization is a solid step towards recovery, thank you for highlighting it. The attempt to get others to understand, only to be met with denial, is just another trauma. Who needs more? There seems to come a point where the verification from others that it is indeed a trauma inducing paradigm fades–even if only 1% at a time.
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