“Too emotional”…for what, exactly?

Lots of people reading this have been told, over and over again, you’re “too emotional.” 

You’ve been told that if you’re hurt by something someone says or does, it’s your fault. 

You’ve been told that you “shouldn’t” be hurt by something that hurt you. 

Often we’re told that because something someone said or did wasn’t intended to hurt you, then you have no right to be hurt by it. 

Sometimes we’re shamed for being hurt or affected by something. 

Years of hearing variants of this over and over again can take their toll. 

Often we’re left second guessing ourselves and our own emotional reactions: “should I REALLY be hurt by this?” 

“Do I have the right to be hurt by this?” 

“What if this is me being oversensitive and overemotional?” 

Here’s the thing: you’re affected by what you’re affected by. You’re hurt by what you’re hurt by. 

It doesn’t matter if anyone else thinks you have the “right” to be affected or hurt. It doesn’t matter if they intended for you to be affected or hurt. 

If something hit you, it hit you— and that’s the reality we have to deal with. 

Telling ourselves “I have no right to be impacted by this”— even as we’re stumbling backward from the impact of the thing— doesn’t help us regain our footing. 

There’s a BIG difference between “I SHOULDN’T be impacted by this” or “I have no right to be impacted by this,” versus “Huh, I wouldn’t expect I’d be so impacted by this…I wonder what’s going on?” 

You don’t need anyone’s permission to acknowledge the impact or pain something had on you. 

“What if this is just me being oversensitive?” You’re exactly as sensitive as you are; no more, no less. “Oversensitive” compared to what— some arbitrary standard of sensitivity that “they” happen to approve of? 

Who gave “them” the right to decide how sensitive you “should” be? 

I know what it’s like to be highly sensitive. It can be inconvenient. It can be frustrating. It can be embarrassing. 

But you need to know: you’re not “too emotional.” 

I dare say you are exactly as emotional as you “should” be, given what you have to work with and what you’ve been through. 

It’s true that highly sensitive people often have to learn specific skills to mange how we feel and function. 

It’s true that we may feel things differently and more intensely than some people around us. 

And it’s definitely true that some people will not understand— or care— what it’s like to be us when it comes to experiencing and processing the things we feel and the things that happen in our environment. 

But none of that has to do with you being “defective” or even “wrong” in how you process experience and emotion. 

You’re not “wrong” for being hurt or affected by something— even if it wasn’t meant to hurt or impact you. 

You’re not making a mountain out of a molehill by being honest about how you’re feeling. 

You’re not out of line for expressing how something impacted you. 

Even if somebody else thinks you’re being “overdramatic,” remember: it’s YOU who has to accept and manage the impact this thing had on YOU.

In order to manage something we have to be real about how it it us. 

In order to be real about how it hit us, we need to remember: others’ perspectives and opinions on what “should” or “shouldn’t” impact us, or them, or anyone, belong to them. 

Your experience belongs to you. 

That’s what you have to work with, and that’s what you need to manage. 

No shame.