You need to work with the different parts of yourself every day.
No days off.
There will never be a day where you don’t need to pay attention to what the various parts of yourself are saying and needing.
There is never a day when what the various parts of you are trying to communicate to you, isn’t important.
Yet for some reason there is a significant subset of people who absolutely hate listening to themselves.
They hate paying attention to what the parts of themselves are saying and needing.
They hate making time to pay attention to, let alone actively communicate with, the parts of themselves.
As a result, the various parts of themselves feel neglected and disrespected…and before long, neglected, irritated parts of you WILL find ways to make themselves seen and heard by you.
They WILL evoke anxiety to make themselves heard.
They WILL evoke depression in order to get you to slow down and look inward.
They WILL seize control of your dreams and turn them into nightmares.
Some people don’t want to listen to or communicate with the various parts of themselves because they think it’s a hassle. They’re annoyed they have to do it. They think that “normal” people shouldn’t have to explicitly sit down and make time to have actual conversations with themselves, so why should they?
Remember: we ALL have “parts.”
For some people, like those diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, those parts can seem to take on a life of their own— but it’s important for DID patients to understand that what they’re experiencing is just an amplification of something that happens to EVERYONE.
(The reason it happens is because early developmental trauma makes it more difficult for peoples’ personalities to “gel” and integrate as they’re growing up, due to lack of psychoemotional support and bonding— i.e., trauma makes the personality more prone to “splinter” in the first place.)
EVERYONE has parts of themselves that experience, want, and need different things.
EVERYONE has to figure out how to communicate with, listen to, and relate constructively to the parts of themselves.
EVERYONE will pay the price if they ignore, neglect, or abuse parts of themselves.
It’s not an abnormal thing to have to sit down and figure out how to manage your relationship with the various parts of you.
If you neglect the part of you that needs more stimulation, you’re going to pay the price in depression.
If you neglect the part of you that needs more connection, you’re going to pay the price in loneliness.
If you neglect the part of you that needs more security, you’re going to pay the price in anxiety.
If you neglect the various parts of yourself altogether, you’re gong to pay the price in intrusive thoughts and feelings, and impulsive behavioral urges that seem to “come out of nowhere.”
The good news is, relating to yourself really isn’t that hard.
It’s frustrating and embarrassing…only because of the thoughts that you throw at it.
It’s kind of like taking medication or getting a cast. Maybe we don’t WANT to do it, because we figure to acquiesce to medical treatment means we’re not “tough.”
But is it the smart thing to do? If you want to function, it is.
Is it a necessary thing to do? If you want to heal, it is.
We truly, truly, need to get over our reluctance to create time for self-communication, self-nurturing, and self-care
Our need for these things doesn’t make us weak.
It means we are human beings that have certain needs that go beyond hunger, thirst, and rest.
Your psychoemotional needs will only wait so long on the back burner.
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