A rough part of CPTSD recovery is that we often have to disregard well meaning advice from smart people in our lives.
That can be a bigger mind f*ck than we sometimes appreciate.
The thing about CPTSD is that it every often does a number on our self-esteem and self-concept.
Whereas PTSD often makes us afraid of the world, CPTSD can often make us uncertain about ourselves.
And when we’re uncertain about ourselves, we want to turn to people we trust to help us understand what things mean and what to do.
Unfortunately, many of the people in our lives, even the smartest, best intentioned people, don’t understand trauma or what trauma recovery requires.
They’ll tell us that in order to sleep better, we need a dark, quiet room— you know, the standard “sleep hygiene” suggestions.
They’ll tell us that in order to feel and function better, we need to have a “positive attitude.”
They’ll tell us that in order to feel better physically, we need to follow very specific diet and exercise routines that have us policing and judging our eating and movement.
Anybody who struggles with CPTSD or has delved its what we know about realistic, sustainable trauma recover knows that many suggestions that may be good for non-traumatized nervous and endocrine systems, get turned on their had for trauma survivors.
And this invites what we call cognitive dissonance: what we know from our lived experience is at odds with what we’re being told by smart people we trust.
As I say: it’s a mind f*ck.
And all that is before the feelings of guilt and confusion that arise when we contemplate NOT following the advice that our smart, well meaning friends and acquaintances have offered.
The reality is that much of our trauma recovery, we have to design and develop and implement on our own.
Many of the things we really do need, really won’t be understandable to people who are not inside our head and our skin.
Many survivors don’t have a lot of experience in pushing back against what we are being told or encouraged to do by others— and many of us also have experience with being shamed or punished when we go our own way.
None of this is easy.
As I’ve said often, trauma recovery can be a dark ride and a lonely road.
Remember that our first responsibility in this whole thing is not to anyone else’s feelings, or even to our relationship with anyone else— our first responsibility is to our safety, stability, and recovery.
I know. I wish this was easier, too.
But realistic recovery requires us to develop a stronger sense of personal identity than many human beings get around to developing in their entire lifetimes.
Easy does it. Just take this one day, one hour, one micro choice at a time.
Breathe; blink; focus; and do the next right thing— for you.
Use Your Damn Skills 