“Be positive” is not a trauma recovery strategy.
Like survivors haven’t tried “being positive?”
Like “being positive” blasts through flashbacks or nightmares?
Like “being positive” shifts conditioned beliefs about ourselves, the world, and the future?
The advice “be positive” assumes that our problem is that we’re insufficiently positive.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met plenty of trauma survivors who are not exactly a ray of sunshine— including myself on many days.
But the “be positive” crew is confusing cause with effect there. We’re not struggling with CPTSD because we’re cranky. We’re cranky because we’re struggling with CPTSD.
Struggling with CPTSD tends to darken our worldview in ways that defy “be positive” recommendations.
CPTSD is not about attitude.
Don’t get me wrong, attitude matters. The energy we approach a project with can impact our focus, it can impact our persistence, it can impact whether and how we look for or evaluate our options.
But the best attitude in the world won’t reclaim a nervous system that has been hijacked by cortisol and adrenaline.
The best attitude in the world won’t wrangle our dissociative “parts” into productive cooperation in the Self.
The best attitude in the world won’t dissolve nagging thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
Attitude is a limited tool. And “be positive” is not a strategy.
Instead of attitude, I prefer to focus on the tool of philosophy.
Attitude and philosophy are similar— but philosophy transcends attitude.
Philosophy is our ideas and beliefs about who are are and what we’re all about; how trauma works and how the world works; and what the overall point and goals of recovery and life really are.
Developing a coherent philosophy about what trauma and recovery are all about serves us much better than “being positive.”
We might hate the world today— but if we have an enduring model of what we’re doing here, what the point of all this is, that model can get us through those rough days.
I’ve never had a bad day turn around because I spontaneously chose to “be positive.”
I have had a bad day turn a corner because I refocused on my deeply held beliefs about who I am, what I’m all about, and what gives any of this “life” thing meaning— that is, my philosophy.
If “being positive” helps you, use that tool. Go for it.
But don’t blame or shame yourself if you can’t “positively” vibe yourself out of a rough emotional or behavioral spot.
Many trauma survivors have been led to believe we’re only suffering because we’re “dramatic.”
We’re told that if we “dropped the drama” and just chose to “be positive,” then life wouldn’t be so hard.
It’s all part and parcel of some peoples’ absolute commitment to blaming survivors for our own pain.
If “being positive” worked as a strategy— any more than “be smart” or “be tough”— I would talk about it every day.
But it’s just not that simple.
Attitude may matter. But philosophy absolutely matters.
Philosophy will catch you when attitude drops you.
Breathe. Blink. Focus.
And be “positive” that “be positive” is not a strategy.
