You’re not wrong or crazy to try to escape pain.
Trying to escape pain does not make you “weak” or “cowardly.”
The vast majority of us try to escape pain whenever practical. Of course we do.
You can let yourself off the hook for trying to escape pain. It’s okay. It’s normal.
Why am I bothering to say this? Because you’re going to get a lot of sh*t for trying to escape pain from various sources.
You’re going to get Trauma Brain, the internalized voices of our bullies and abusers, calling us “weak.”
You might even get therapists telling you that trying to avoid pain will only ever create more pain.
It’s true that making avoidance our go-to reflex is going to create more problems than it solves in the long term— but the way these conversations are often framed can leave trauma survivors feeling shamed and child like for trying to escape pain.
It’s not true that “trying to avoid pain only ever creates more pain.”
There’s a huge difference between pain that can be productively faced, processed, integrated, and transformed— and pain that just sucks.
CPTSD is full of the pain that just sucks.
Not all pain is meaningful. Not all pain leads to growth.
Some people in our culture absolutely fetishize pain as an “opportunity for growth.”
Your milage may vary, but I’ve never “grown” as the result of having a headache.
Trauma survivors often have a complicated relationship with pain.
Some of us get conditioned to believe we “deserve” it.
Some of us get convinced we’ll never be able to avoid or reduce our pain, so we stop trying.
Some of us develop an oddly codependent relationship with pain, and come to believe we can’t function or exist without it.
Here’s the thing: you don’t have to apologize or feel shame for wanting less pain in your life, or doing what you can to escape pain.
Nobody is handing out medals for enduring pain without flinching.
Nobody expects you to love pain or embrace all pain as a “growth opportunity.”
CPTSD survivors have to approach pain with gentleness and compassion and patience— like we approach all our struggles and symptoms in recovery— but it’s real important we not get in our head about what pain does or doesn’t “mean.”
In my experience, most pain doesn’t actually have an existential “meaning.”
You’re not “weak” for experiencing pain.
You’re not “childish” or “whiny” for wanting less pain in your life.
You are not under no obligation to cheerfully endure pain just to prove you can take it.
Nobody is questioning your resilience or toughness. Nobody who matters, anyway.
Pain sucks.
And it’s okay to to just stay that flat out.
Breathe; blink; focus.
Use Your Damn Skills 