There are people reading this who were made to believe they were abused because of their sexuality— as “punishment.”
That is not true.
It is true that certain abusers choose their victims based partially or wholly on their sexuality— but your abuse was not divine “punishment” for your sexual orientation, your gender identity, or anything else about your sexuality.
Your sexuality is not “sinful.”
Different people may have different perspectives on that subject, but you need to know that those are their perspectives— and their perspectives are all, by definition, human.
And no human knows the mind of God.
Those humans who claim to know the mind of God are almost always trying to assert power over other humans.
Survivors reading this who were told that they “deserved” abuse because of who they’re attracted to sexually or how they experience their gender have often carried that burden for years.
No one asked for their sexual orientation or gender identity.
So to be told, over and over again, that their sexual orientation or gender identity was a “choice” that led to them being “punished,” can lead to deeply wounded self esteem and suicidal ideation.
(By the by, and I can’t believe this needs to be said, but for the sake of absolute clarity: sexual attraction to people or animals that cannot consent or comprehend what’s happening is not a “sexual orientation,” and that’s not what I’m talking about in this post.)
There are many survivors reading this who were harmed not just by physical or sexual abuse, but also by the mental and emotional abuse of being told that they were suffering because their non-chosen identity was an affront to God.
There are survivors reading this who had little choice but to by in to the fact that their sexual or gender identity, which they did not choose, made them “sinful” in their most basic thoughts, desires, and needs.
For many survivors of religious trauma especially, the conditioning they received around what their sexuality or gender identity meant vis a vis their relationship to God, prevented them from developing basic self-compassion or self-esteem.
I, being human, don’t know the mind of God.
But I can’t believe that God truly wants anyone walking around feeling unloved.
This post is not about what people do choose to do in their sex lives, or how they choose to express themselves sexually. Neither I, nor anyone else on the internet, has any business telling you what to do with your sexuality or sex life.
What I do want to emphatically express, though, is that, even if your sexuality made you a target, you did not “attract” or “deserve” that pain because of who you are sexually.
People out there in the world may have strong opinions about what people do sexually— but I’m speaking to the survivors who were programmed to believe their pain is the consequence of who they are.
I’ll tell you who you are: you are a survivor.
And I’ll tell you what you are: you are worthy, you are lovable, and you are beautiful.
And I’ll tell you what you deserve: acceptance, commitment, and recovery.
That’s what I think, anyway.
Breathe; blink; focus.
And don’t quit before the miracle.
Use Your Damn Skills 