Rock Bottom and Step One.

This situation is what it is. 

Okay, I know. That sounds obvious. 

But you’d be surprised how often, in trauma and addiction recovery, survivors and addicts in recovery devote all kinds of energy to denying and disowning that this situation is what it is. 

That this situation is exactly what it is.

We don’t like that. We don’t want that. 

We very often believe that if we were to accept that this situation is exactly what it is, we’d somehow be making this situation worse. 

Believe me when I tell you: accepting a situation is exactly what it is will not make it worse— but refusing to accept this situation is exactly what it is will absolutely make it worse. 

I can’t say it often enough: acceptance is not “liking.” 

Acceptance is not “approving” of a situation. 

Saying “I accept this situation is exactly what it is” is not saying, “and there’s nothing I can do about it.” 

It’s true that there’s nothing we can do about the fact that we are where are, right here, right now— but this is just a starting point. 

How are we going to realistically get anywhere if we can’t even acknowledge our starting point? 

When I tell you everybody’s starting point in recovery sucks, I mean it— if it didn’t suck, we wouldn’t be in need of recovery. 

Our starting point— this situation, right here, right now—is very often gnarly. 

It very often includes consequences of decisions we’ve made, which can be really, really tough to accept. 

It also very often includes consequences of “decisions” we made, that weren’t, actually, free “choices”— but rather “decisions” that reflect the kind of pressure we were under and the lack of resources we were experiencing at the time. 

(None of that is an “excuse”— it’s an acknowledgment of reality.)

Why am I spending time writing about this? Because, in my experience, one of the most broadly destructive habits survivors and addicts in recovery— including myself— have is slipping into denial. 

And make no mistake: we live in a culture that absolutely supports denial. 

The internet is full of toxic positivity influences who want us to believe we can “manifest” our way into a better starting point. 

Don’t get me wrong: I agree with those influencers that attitude matters, and is often more or less under our control. 

But I am not a fan of straight up denying sh*t is as f*cked as it is, and we are feeling as sh*tty as we are, and our lack of tools and resources in this moment is exactly what it is. 

In recovery we have a concept called Rock Bottom. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. It’s exactly what it sounds like. 

Accepting that we are at Rock Bottom is entirely necessary in recovery— and one of the hardest things we’ll ever do. 

It’s scary. Rock Bottom can feel hopeless. In fact, Rock Bottom almost always feels hopeless, by definition. 

But we have another saying in recovery, too: that Rock Bottom can become the solid foundation on which we build a lasting recovery. 

That only happens if we accept we are where we are. That this situation, this starting point, is exactly what and where it is. 

There’s a reason why Step One in the Twelve Step tradition is the one focusing on acceptance: because without it, no recovery is possible, let alone realistic. 

This situation is what it is. We’re starting where we’re starting. We have exactly what we have to work with. 

And that’s enough. 

I promise you, that’s enough. 

Rock Bottom sucks— but accepting we’re there is actually the good news. 

Let’s get to building something that’s gonna last.