Even if.

To me, one of the hardest aspects of trauma and addiction recovery is that, if we’re going to do it at all, we have to do it “even if.’ 

Even if it’s complicated. 

Even if it’s hard. 

Even if our old programming is telling us we can’t do it or don’t deserve it. 

Even if it’s confusing. 

Even if we think we shouldn’t “have” to. I agree: no one reading this should have to think about any of this. We shouldn’t have to do recovery, because we shouldn’t have to think about trauma or addiction in the first place. 

But we do— and we do. 

If we’re going to do recovery, we have to do it even if the Bad Thing happens. 

Even if our cat gets cancer. 

Even if it’ll cost us our social circle. 

Even if life didn’t go the way we thought it would. 

Even if we can’t imagine how life could possibly get better from here. 

If we’re going to do recovery at all, we have to do it even if we’re bored with it. 

Even if we’re sick of it. 

Even if we lose faith in it. 

Even if we have moments, or days, when we lose the ability to care what happens to us or anyone else. 

If we’re going to do trauma or addiction recovery at all, we have to do it even if we didn’t think we’d live this long. 

Even if we lose our biggest supporters. 

Even if we lose our safest people. 

Even if we’re in danger of losing the cat who has literally saved our live with her furry little existence more times than anyone will ever know. 

If we’re going to do recovery at all, w have to do it even if we feel lost. 

Even if we feel alone. 

Even if we are alone. 

Our commitment to recovery can’t be conditional. It can’t depend on whether we feel like working our recovery today or not. Because I guarantee you, when some of our “even if’s” come into play, we are absolutely not going to want to work our recovery. 

We’re going to want to get high. 

We’re going to want to hurt ourselves. 

We’re going to not want to be here, or anywhere, anymore. 

Those “even if’s” are how Trauma Brain and Addict Brain get their hooks into us. 

There is exactly one way to effectively deal with Trauma Brain and Addict Brain: affirm that you are committed to recovery even if. 

Even if the sky falls. 

Even if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied, and illuminate the “no” on their “vacancy” signs. 

Yeah. Even then. 

Affirm to yourself: I am in this to win it. I am not dabbling.

I am committed to my safety and my stability. I am committed to my inner child. I am committed to my recovery. 

Even if.