What does “working our recovery” even mean?

What does “working our recovery” mean? 

For starters: it means being on our own side. Having our own back. 

Which is a taller order than it seems, when we’ve been conditioned by abuse and neglect to hate and abandon ourselves. 

Our trauma conditioning wants us to hurt and abandon ourselves. Often it’s playing a long game that it ultimately wants to end in us killing ourselves. 

Working our recovery means being utterly realistic about that, and having no patience for it. 

Working our recovery means talking to ourselves like a supportive coach— not like a drill sergeant. 

Working our recovery definitely means interrupting old patterns of talking to ourselves like our abusers did once upon a time— which, let’s face it, many of us are very much in the habit of doing. 

Working our recovery means journaling. Yes, every day. Yes, whether we feel like we have anything to write about or not. 

Working our recovery means setting goals. Yes, every day. Yes, whether we feel particularly motivated or not. 

If we waited for motivation, we would never work our recovery— because, especially in early recovery, we’re typically anything BUT motivated. 

Working our recovery means checking in with ourselves. With our mood, with our energy level, with our level of triggered activation. 

Working our recovery means taking time every day— often multiple times a day— to remember and remind ourselves who we are and what we’re all about. 

Working our recovery means focusing on our circle of influence— especially when we’re freaked out about everything simmering in our circle of concern. 

The thing about working our recovery is, it’s hard. It goes against every scrap of conditioning and programming we’ve ever been subjected to. There’s a reason why working our recovery feels “unnatural”— because we’ve been brainwashed to believe it’s pointless, that it doesn’t matter, that it might even get us into trouble. 

Working our recovery is not a simple “choice.” It is a series of daily and hourly choices that are not easy for survivors. 

See, this is why I’ve never understood anyone who claims that identifying as a trauma survivor in recovery is somehow an “excuse” or “the easy way.” There’s NOTHING easy about working our recovery. 

Working our recovery takes courage. 

Working our recovery takes patience. 

Working our recovery takes a willingness to suspend our disbelief and judgment, especially in times when we feel overwhelmed or hopeless. 

Working our recovery means using skills and tools— all of which are imperfect— instead of diving into the self-harmful “coping” patterns of the past. 

That one might be the hardest. Giving up our old patterns, especially our old addictions, is an absolute b*tch. It’s where most survivors who don’t stick with recovery, drop out of recovery. 

Working our recovery means having a zero tolerance policy for self abuse or self neglect. 

Working our recovery means getting up every day and proactively choosing recovery. 

It’s not for the faint of heart. 

Recovery is not for anyone who is just trying to please someone else. 

Recovery is not for anyone interested in making excuses or rationalizations for Trauma Brian’s BS (Belief Systems— but also the other kind of BS). 

Working our recovery is the hard road. But it’s the better road. The right road. 

It’s the road that leads out of how you are feeling and functioning right now. 

Recovery is the most difficult ting I’ve ever done in my life— and I can’t recommend it enough.