Yeah, about those “everyday” stressors.

As it turns out, we don’t get days off from recovery. That includes days when the everyday world is stressing us the hell out. 

I’m not talking about trauma triggers per se. I’m talking about the stuff that happens in everybody’s life. 

Bills. 

Relationship stress. 

Pet health problems. 

So often, we trauma survivors are so used to dealing with huge, scary, immersive triggers, that we somehow almost forget that the everyday world comes loaded with stressors as well— some of which can dovetail perfectly (that is to say, perfectly horribly) with our trauma triggers. 

For example, everybody has bills. Almost every adult human being experiences some level of stress over our financial situation. 

Trauma survivors, when we experience stress about finances, are often aware of a whole different level of reactivity— because, as “normally” stressful as financial stuff is, for us is can often hook into issues of shame, dependence, autonomy, and survival. 

Another example: every pet owner stresses, at least a little, over the health and welfare of their pet. For many people, their pet is one of, if not the, most beloved creatures and highest priorities in their life. 

Trauma survivors, when we experience stress around our pets’ health and welfare, are, again, often aware of a different level of reactivity— because, as “normally” stressful as issues surrounding our pets’ health can be, we’re also hooked into issues of responsibility and helplessness and the desire to never let another creature suffer like we did. 

Part of trauma recovery is getting real about how “everyday” stressors hook into our trauma triggers and reactions— and develop realistic expectations, skills, and strategies for when this happens. (Not “if”— “when.”)

Because, when an “everyday” stressor occurs, we can’t just suddenly pretend we’re not in recovery anymore. 

Recovery can’t take a “back seat” to any stressor or trigger, no matter how impactful, no matter how devastating— or no matter how mundane. 

I’ll spoil the suspense: Trauma Brain will absolutely use “everyday” stressors as a potential excuse for you to abandon recovery. 

“You don’t have the bandwidth for all this ‘recovery” nonsense today,” Trauma Brain will say; “you need to focus on paying your bills.” 

“You don’t have time to focus on this ‘recovery” stuff today,” it’ll tell you, “you need to get the cat into the vet.” 

It’s absolutely true that we need to handle what we need to handle in the everyday world. The fact that we happen to be working a trauma or addiction recovery doesn’t make us immune to everyday stressors. They will occur, I assure you. 

But we very much can’t make our focus on trauma or addiction recovery a function of stressors that happen to be prevalent in our life today. 

Your cat, who you need to get to the vet, wants you to stay in recovery. 

Everyday stressors will always be there, and they’ll always be exactly as stressful as they are. 

What we can’t do is let everyday stressors become The Thing that leads us to an emotional or behavioral spiral because we thought we could take the day off of recovery. 

Recovery is our commitment to ourselves, especially our “parts” and our “inner child,” that we will not abandon or betray ourselves. 

That commitment is most important on those days when things other than recovery are vying for our attention. 

Make recovery the lens or filter through which you process all your other commitments and stressors. 

I promise you, the skills, tools, and philosophies you’re developing in recovery are going to help you deal with any and every stressor you encounter in your life. 

Easy does it. Breathe; blink; focus.