Care for yourself. Even– especially– when you don’t feel like it.

We have to take care of ourselves, even when we’re tired. 

Even when we’re angry. 

Even when we’re angry at ourselves. 

Even when we don’t like ourselves. 

In fact— it’s kind of especially important we take care of ourselves when we’re angry at ourselves or when we don’t like ourselves. 

Here’s the thing: many of us grew up believing that our worth and safety are conditional. 

We grew up believing we had to “earn” worthiness and safety. 

We grew up believing we had to “earn” the “right” to care. 

This is especially true if we grew up neglected, emotionally or otherwise. 

When we’re neglected by the people who should love us, who should nurture us, who should protect us, we don’t process that as a “them” issue. We almost always understand it as an “us” issue. 

We understand it as an “us” issue— and we often internalize the belief that we need to pay for it. We need to be punished for it. And/or we need to make it “right.” 

We grow up believing we have to “earn” things that we don’t, actually, have to “earn.” 

Like love. 

Like attention. 

Like safety. 

Like care. 

Then, if we don’t get love, or attention, or safety, or care, we assume it’s because we didn’t “earn” it. 

We didn’t crack the code. We didn’t figure it out. We weren’t worthy of it. 

We continue to process it as an “us” issue. We personalize the hell out of it. And over time, all of this becomes a core part of our trauma conditioning— the internalized voices of our bullies and abusers that I refer to as “Trauma Brain.” 

In trauma recovery, our job is to overwrite that old programming. Scratching that old record. Reversing that old conditioning. 

We do this by caring for ourselves— even when Trauma Brain tells us we don’t “deserve” care. 

We do this by showing ourselves patience— even when Trauma Brain tells us we don’t “deserve” patience. 

We do this by showing ourselves love— even when Trauma Brain insists that we couldn’t possibly be worthy of love. 

The thing about Trauma Brian is, it doesn’t actually have an argument for why we don’t “deserve” those things. All it has is what we call “emotional reasoning”— the fact that we must not BE lovable, for example, because we don’t FEEL lovable. 

I’m here to tell you: that’s garbage reasoning. 

How we FEEL does not represent the fundamental truth of what we deserve. Most often it reflects our conditioning. Our programming. What we had told to us, again, and again, and again. 

It’s BS. Belief Systems. Nothing less— but nothing more. 

Be nice to yourself, even when you don’t feel you deserve it. 

It’s when we feel least lovable that we MOST need self-love— because it’s in those moments that we have the opportunity to REALLY challenge and scramble our old conditioning.