One of the things that makes trauma recovery hard is, sometimes the name of the game is listening to our body— and other times, the name of the game is doing certain things for ourselves even though our body isn’t interested.
Many trauma survivors have gotten used to ignoring our body.
From early one, we’re conditioned to believe that our basic bodily reactions and urges are “bad.”
We’re conditioned to believe that our hunger doesn’t matter.
We’re conditioned to believe that our anxiety and fear responses, which manifest in bodily symptoms, are “weak” or otherwise disgusting.
We’re conditioned to believe that rest is “lazy”— and that falling asleep would actually leave us unacceptably vulnerable.
I know I sound like a broken record when I say this, but trauma recovery is functionally about reconditioning our nervous systems in ways WE choose— overwriting what growing up with trauma “taught” us. Or, more accurately, programmed in us.
That is to say: learning to listen to our body— and heed what our body is trying to tell us.
Learning to listen to our body when it says it’s uncomfortable or unsafe around a certain person.
Learning to listen to our body when it says it’s exhausted and cannot “push through.”
Learning to listen to our body when it says that its gender or sexuality may not necessarily match what the world sees.
So, yes— there is very much an extent to which trauma recovery is all about listening to and respecting what our body is telling us.
But it’s not that straightforward at all times, is it?
(Of course it isn’t. It never is, in trauma recovery.)
Just like there are times where we’ve been conditioned to ignore our body, there are also times when we’ve come to believe that we absolutely “have” to heed the signals our body is sending us— even when we know those signals are interfering with our ability to function.
For example, it’s very common for trauma survivors to not be hungry at all— but we still have to eat.
(In fact, in my experience, most survivors need to eat far more than we typically do, and definitely more than our appetite will “feel” like eating.)
It’s very common for survivors to not feel sleepy at all, or to feel very anxious at the very thought of closing our eyes— but we still need to rest, and find some way of getting rest that at least approximates deep sleep.
It’s supremely ironic that many survivors who have learned to ignore or deny our bodily needs in so many ways, suddenly believe we can’t possibly defy our body signals when it comes to not feeling we can or should eat or rest.
That’s why I say: it’s not as simple as “learning to listen to our body.” The truth is, trauma is going to have myriad, sometimes paradoxical, effects on our body and its signals.
Here’s what I know: we’re not going to work a realistic, sustainable trauma recovery if we’re starving ourselves and not resting. It’s just not going to work.
I know, all of us trauma survivors love to fantasize that we are The Exception, and I’m sure Trauma Brain is whispering in your ear right now that “you need to eat and rest” might be advice that applies to everyone else…but it doesn’t apply to you.
I assure you: it does apply to you.
Here’s something else I know: we’re not going to realistically, sustainably recover from trauma if we’re ignoring and denigrating our body’s signals, especially when it comes to our intuition about people or situations.
We need to both pay attention to our body signals— and also commit to routines around rest and nutrition that ensure we are not running on empty.
I know. I wish all this were simpler, too. I wish there was a black and white, one size fits all recommendation I could make to you about whether and how to pay attention to your body in trauma recovery.
But that’s not how recovery works. Because that’s not how the world works, and that’s not how human beings work.
Neither you nor I are the exception.
Use Your Damn Skills 