What is bullsh*t trauma-conditioned emotional reasoning? Well.

When we have abuse, neglect, or other trauma in our history, we’re going to feel lots of things that just aren’t true. 

We might feel worthless. Not true. 

We might feel at fault. Not true. 

We might feel gross. Not true. 

We might feel inadequate. Not true. 

Trauma conditioning enables this thing called “emotional reasoning,” where we assume that if we FEEL something strongly enough, it’s obviously true. 

The problem with that is, trauma conditioning very often lies to us, about us. 

Then it will jack up the emotional intensity of what we’re feeling to obscure and distract from the fact that what it’s told us is a total pile of horsesh*t. 

All that intensity can be confusing, though. After all— why would we so strongly FEEL something to be true, if it wasn’t true? 

For that matter, how could something NOT be true, when every fiber in our nervous system is screaming that it’s OBVIOUSLY true? 

This is just what trauma does. This is why conditioning is conditioning— why they call it “brainwashing” and “programming.” 

Remember: every zealot, every fanatic, that has ever believed something that you consider to be absolutely erroneous, absolutely “crazy,” has had that same sense of certainty in their bones. 

They, too, cannot IMAGINE how something they believe SO STRONGLY, something that FEELS so true, could possibly NOT be true. 

And yet— they’re frequently wrong. Impressively, breathtakingly wrong, even. 

We need to remember that the damage trauma does to us is not just in the shock and pain caused by any one traumatic stressor— it is in the conditioning, the programming, that we endure around and after the traumatic stressor. 

Complex trauma s complex because it doesn’t happen in an instant— complex trauma is a collection of beliefs, reactions, and behaviors that are conditioned in us over time and in relationships. 

What does conditioning do? It skews how we view the world. It shapes what we think are appropriate, or even possible responses. 

Conditioning makes us overemphasize certain things and deemphasize, or even disregard, other things. 

Over time, we become so CONDITIONED to believe certain things— and to believe other things are “impossible”— that it all just FEELS very real. 

Those feelings are not facts. Those feelings are the byproducts of conditioning. 

How do we know if we’re doing bullsh*t trauma-conditioned emotional reasoning? Well, if you’re making global assertions about your value— or, usually, your lack of value— you might be doing bullsh*t trauma-conditioned emotional reasoning. 

If you’re kicking the sh*t out of yourself for nebulous reasons, you might be doing bullsh*t trauma-conditioned emotional reasoning. 

If you’re finding ways things that happened TO you were “actually” your fault, you might be doing bullsh*t trauma-conditioned emotional reasoning. 

Mind you: our feelings matter. It’s not that our feelings themselves are always bullsh*t. We should pay attention to our feelings, value our feelings, use our feelings to ask good questions. 

But feelings are not reliable guides to reality— especially when they’ve been conditioned by traumatic stressors and relationships. 

I know, it’s hard to push back against things that FEEL very real and very overwhelming. 

But sometimes, to realistically recover from trauma, the name of the game is sitting with a feeling— instead of assuming it’s accurate and acting accordingly. 

Easy does it. Breathe; blink; focus.