In trauma recovery we have to accept that we can’t do certain things, at certain times.
It’s similar to addiction recovery in that we recovering addicts, just can’t go certain places or do certain things without significant risk of relapse. If you’re an alcoholic, you probably shouldn’t be hanging out in bars, if your goal is to avoid relapse.
We trauma survivors need to be realistic about the fact that we have certain limitations.
There are certain triggers that we can’t expose ourselves to— not now, not at this point in our recovery arc.
That may change. There may come a time when we can realistically endure exposure to certain triggers, and stay grounded, not tumble into flashback or abreaction.
But if we want our trauma recovery to be realistic and sustainable, we have to be real about the fact that at certain times, certain triggers or tasks are just going to be too much for us.
This isn’t a matter of “weakness.” This is a matter of what I call “the juice and the squeeze.”
After I finish running a marathon— 26.2 miles— I can assure you, I can very likely not run an additional 5K just then, let alone another marathon. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze.
When we’ve been expending lots and lots of focus and energy on our trauma recovery, enduring certain triggers just isn’t going to be worth it. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze.
The thing is, we trauma survivors do NOT like being told we “can’t” do things— do we?
We very often make it our business to go out and do things that other people tell us we “can’t” do, for no other reason than to prove that we can, in fact, do it.
I get it, I’m the same way. And it’s because I’m the same way that I can assure you, that’s a highly efficient way to f*ckin’ kneecap your recovery.
Believe me when I tell you, I am not telling you to fear, avoid, or flee any situation that makes you uncomfortable. No trauma therapist will tell you we heal by avoiding all our triggers.
What I am suggesting you do, when confronted with a situation that you can reasonably surmise might be triggering, is ask yourself: “at this point in my trauma recovery, is the juice worth the squeeze?”
Nobody, after all, is handing out medals for enduring triggering situations.
“Proving” you can “handle” a highly triggering situation may be gratifying to you— but if it comes at the price of your hard-earned safety and stability, I might suggest that juice of “satisfaction” is DEFINITELY not worth the squeeze.
Trauma survivors are among the most courageous human beings I’ve ever met— and this is why so many of us get into so much trouble with triggering situations.
We WANT to “conquer” them.
We don’t WANT to feel like we’re at the mercy of our post traumatic struggles and symptoms— and I’m not telling you you are.
I’m telling you that in trauma recovery, we have to take the juice and the squeeze seriously.
I’m telling you that not every risk is worth taking.
I’m telling you that Trauma Brain will absolutely lie to you about whether and how well you can handle any particular trigger.
Do I think you have to go through life scared of triggers, ready to run away at a moment’s notice. Not at all. To the contrary, I acknowledge that triggers are going to be part of your everyday life, and part of our everyday existence is managing triggers that we never saw coming.
I do think, though, we trauma survivors have to be at least as intelligent as the alcoholic who declines to hang out in a bar just to “prove” to himself that he can.
Trust me: that triggering person or situation will still exist when you’re a little further along in your recovery.
When you are safer and more stable, you can go charging into as many triggering situations as you want, if that’s what you feel called to do.
But right here, right now, is the juice worth the squeeze?
When in doubt, err on the side of getting the hell out of there.
Intelligent trauma recovery has zero problem walking away when the juice isn’t worth the squeeze.
Use Your Damn Skills 