Comfort TV and trauma recovery.

Kids who grew up neglected often become adults who feel we have to show our work at all times. 

Kids who grew up neglected often become adults who feel guilty for enjoying…well, anything, actually, but specifically entertainment that some might consider “mindless.” 

You know the entertainment I mean. Comfort shows. Popcorn movies. Bops on the radio. 

We so often feel guilty for watching a show we like or— HORROR!— a show we’ve seen before, maybe many times before. 

We tell ourselves we should be “productive.” 

We tell ourselves we shouldn’t watch such “stupid” stuff. 

We tell ourselves we must actually BE “lazy” and “stupid,” if we actually like shows like this, shows many people like.

(We wouldn’t call anyone ELSE “lazy” or “stupid” for liking a show— but, as with all things, we trauma survivors consider ourselves The Exception.)

Feeling shame about liking the things we like is a very common experience for trauma survivors— but you need to know that the shows, music, movies, and other entertainment you like is nothing to be ashamed of. 

I don’t care how “mindless” it is. 

I don’t care how often you’ve watched or listened to it before. 

Here’s the thing about trauma survivors and our entertainment: we very often turn to those shows and movies and songs to express and experience feelings we don’t feel we’re “allowed” to express and experience. 

Maybe we struggle to feel certain things. Maybe we worry that we’ll be “in trouble” if we feel or express certain things. 

Maybe we’ve dissociated certain feelings and needs so thoroughly, that watching them play out in a show or movie or hearing them expressed in a song is like hearing a different language— but one that somehow feels familiar. 

So our shows, our movies, our music? They turn into more than just entrainment. They turn into opportunities for trauma survivors to feel human— in a culture and a world where we very often feel like aliens. 

This is especially true of our “comfort shows.” 

Lots of people reading this— and the person writing this— have shows that they’ve watched EVERY episode of, possibly multiple times…and yet they still put it on in times of trouble. 

(These shows include “Mad Men” and “The Office” for me.) 

Why do we do this? It’s not because we’ve forgotten what’s going to happen. Quite the contrary, actually. 

In times of chaos and unpredictability, “comfort shows” can be incredibly soothing to the traumatized nervous system. 

If you’ve had to spend your life guessing at what the people around you are thinking, feeing, or about to say, it can be REALLY nice to have someplace you can go where you clearly understand the motives of the characters and the next step of the journey. 

On comfort shows, people don’t behave unpredictably. 

With comfort shows, we know which episodes and story beats we might have to skip in order to avoid triggers. 

Comfort shows give us the opportunity to emotionally invest in stories and people that we know won’t attack or betray us. The stakes are low. 

It’s true that trauma survivors like TV shows and movies and pop music for many of the same reasons the rest of the world does— but our emotional wounds and needs often lead us to become more attached to and invested in our entertainment than is common. 

And that’s okay. No shame. 

Comfort shows and popcorn flicks and radio bops can ABSOLUTELY be tools of trauma recovery— maybe secret weapons.