Trauma does this thing to us, where it makes “basic” human behaviors really difficult— then we feel shame for struggling with those “basics.”
When we’ve survived trauma, things like eating can be hard.
Sleeping can be really hard. Almost impossible, some nights.
Relating to people can be really hard after trauma. Sustaining romanic and platonic relationships can get really complicated.
And post traumatic symptoms and struggles famously interfere with many survivors’ ability to hold down a job and/or otherwise provide for themselves financially.
Here’s the thing: once you understand how trauma impacts our nervous system and develop an appreciation for why it does what it does, all of those difficulties make sense.
But many survivors still feel shame for struggling with what the world tells us “should” be “basic” human behaviors— which, unfortunately, many people understand to me “easy.”
The truth is, behaviors like eating, sleeping, relationships, and maintaining economic stability, can actually be way more complicated— even for non-trauma survivors— than our culture is willing to concede.
But trauma takes many things our culture takes for granted— many things our culture assumes “should” be easier than they are— and turns them into a minefield.
You are not “detective” because you struggle with things that the culture says “should” be easy.
You are not irreparably “broken.”
You are, in fact, experiencing struggles and symptoms that an overwhelming majority of trauma survivors have also experienced over the years— but which many survivors don’t talk about, because of the shame.
Ah, yes. The shame.
Our culture often sends us messages to the tune of, if you struggle with “basic” human behaviors, it’s likely because you’re “bad.”
The culture likes to tell us that struggling with “the basics” is often a result of simply “not having our sh*t together.”
Many trauma survivors, having been flooded with similar messages our entire lives, internalize the gist of that message— and we end up framing our difficulties as needing to “make our lives work.”
The thing about all THAT, however, is that struggling with “the basics” has nothing to do with you being “bad”— or “good,” for that matter— as a person.
How well we feel or function every day is not reflective of our worth. It is not an indication of “character.” It is not a matter of “will.”
Our basic functioning— including eating, sleeping, relationships, and economic stability— is largely a function of where we are in our trauma recovery, and how consistently we’re working our recovery. And a lot of other factors, like our external safety and our access to resources.
The point is: we need to resist the habit to blame and shame ourselves for our symptoms and struggles.
So you’re struggling with something you think is “basic.” So what?
We struggle with what we struggle with. We didn’t ask for these struggles. We’re as frustrated by them as anyone.
Realistic, sustainable trauma recovery is never built on shame.
So you’re struggling with “the basics.” Welcome to trauma recovery, we ALL struggle with the basics.
And we’re all as deserving of compassion and support as any human being who has ever struggled— with anything.
Easy does it.
Use Your Damn Skills 