Why we’re not ourselves when we’re triggered.

We’re not ourselves when we’re triggered. 

That’s not an excuse; that’s a fact. 

When we are triggered, by definition, our awareness is restricted. We hyper focus on certain things, and are incapable in that moment of focusing on other things. 

When we are triggered, our frontal lobe— where we make considered, value-driven decisions— temporarily shuts down. 

Our limbic system— where all our fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flop, and “f*ck it” trauma responses are generated— fires up, and temporarily takes over. 

Sometimes when we’re triggered, dissociative self-states, or “parts” take the wheel. 

Whoever said that pressure “reveals” who we “really are,” didn’t know how trauma responses work. 

We are literally LEAST ourselves when we’re triggered. 

One of the reasons we work so hard to manage and reduce our reactivity to triggers is specifically BECAUSE we want to return to our “real” self, as quickly and totally as possible. 

The thing is, many, many people are resistant to the fact that triggers change who we are, at least temporarily. 

Some people seem to think acknowledging the impact of triggers on our personality and decision making is somehow trying to “avoid responsibility.” 

No one reading this is trying to “avoid responsibility” by acknowledging the impact of triggers specifically, or trauma generally. 

(In fact, the far more common pattern with trauma survivors is for us to OVER assume responsibility— to assume that EVERYTHING, past and present, is both our fault and our responsibility.) 

What we are trying to do here is UNDERSTAND how trauma and triggers change who we are, how we think, and what we do. 

We can’t understand something we are hell bent on denying and disowning. 

It is not a “failure” to admit when a trigger or trauma reaction is impacting our judgment. 

It is not “avoiding responsibility” to realistically consider how we are essentially a different person when we’re triggered. 

What we’re doing here is taking REALISTIC responsibility. 

We don’t have a choice about how trauma impacts us. 

We DO have choices when it comes to how to respond to that fact, once we’re grounded and able to. 

We don’t get to choose our triggers or our reactions to them. 

We do get to choose what skills, tools, and training we’re gong to invest in to reduce our reactivity to our triggers. 

All of this realistically begins with accepting that we are not ourselves when we’re triggered. 

We need to stop denying that, and get curious about who we become. 

We need to understand that person— what motivates them, what they’re reacting to, what they need to step back so we can once again drive the car. 

In my experience, the biggest roadblocks experienced by survivors in trauma recovery are denial and shame. 

The very LAST thing we want is for anybody to think we’re trying to weasel out of taking responsibility for our feelings or behavior. 

If we’re going to take realistic, meaningful responsibly for our feelings and behavior— for our recovery— we need to start by acknowledging when we’re NOT in control, and what we’re NOT in control of. 

We’re not ourselves when we’re triggered, and we can’t help that. 

No amount of blame or shame will make it possible to “control” it. 

Is it scary? You bet. 

Recovery is very often about doing and accepting scary things— until they’re NOT scary anymore.