“Reason” and “logic” and “why” in trauma recovery.

Neither trauma nor trauma recovery is about “reason” or “logic.” 

Is there rhyme or reason to why we were traumatized? Our brain frequently wants to know— very much. 

Sometimes our brain will kind of invent reason or logic to it, just to scratch that “I have to know” itch. Sometimes that reason or logic will make sense to us, kinda, sorta. 

But I don’t think there is reason to trauma. I don’t think there is logic. Not reason or logic that we can know in any meaningful way, anyway. 

I understand why we want to know. 

But the fact that we can’t really know is one of those things in trauma recovery we gotta accept. 

Yeah. There’s that word again that we all hate. “Accept.” Not “like;” “accept.” 

Accepting that we may not ever truly understand why what happened to us, happened, is a hard one for survivors. 

But we can’t put our recovery on hold until we get a “why.” 

Not only are we probably not getting that “why”— but we deserve more, we deserve better, than to be in limbo, at the mercy of a “why” that we’ll never really know whether it’s true or not. 

Not only does trauma frequently defy “reason” and “logic,” but I find trauma recovery often defies them, too. 

Do we have to have a “reason” to recover? I don’t think so. 

I think if you’re alive to read these words, you have as much of a “right” to trauma recovery as anyone else— and I don’t think you have to “earn” that right. 

I don’t think you have to justify, through reason or logic, “why” you “deserve” recovery. 

But that’s a tough one for us, too, isn’t it? 

So many of us were raised and conditioned to believe that we do not “deserve” to feel good. 

That any “feel good” we ever experience has to be “earned.” 

There has to be a reason we “deserve” it. 

Many of us survivors are VERY familiar with the dance we often do around the “logic” of recovery and worthiness. 

Can you prove, logically, that you are a “worthy” person? 

Myself, I am not a philosopher, but I cannot “prove” via “logic” that I, or, you, or anyone, is “worthy.” Or ‘deserving.” Or…whatever. 

And honestly? I don’t care. 

We do not ask a baby to “prove” their “worthiness” before we extend them love. 

We do not demand our pets show their work when it comes to the “logic” of our care for them. 

We do not love babies and pets just because they are cute; and we do not love them because we’ve logically proven we have reasons to love them. 

We just love them. 

Our love for ourselves in trauma recovery has to be the same way. 

Realistic trauma recovery asks us to give up our dependence on “reason” and “logic.” 

It asks us to love ourselves even if we don’t happen to like ourselves right now. 

It asks us to accept ourselves, and the fact of our trauma, without demanding that the facts and flaws of either be different. 

The internal prosecutor is really good at demanding to know “why” we “deserve” a better life, based on “reason” and “logic.” 

We’re gonna have to respond to that argument with a shrug. 

I didn’t reason out my recovery. 

I didn’t decide that I “logically” could or should recover. 

Reason and logic go out the widow when we’re dealing with trauma and recovery. 

(It’s less of a loss than you think.)