I don’t care WHAT you call it.

Lots of people don’t take advantage of the skills, tools, and philosophies of trauma recovery, because they don’t want to “identify” as “traumatized.” 

They tell themselves what they experienced wasn’t “that bad.” 

They tell themselves that trauma hasn’t completely derailed their lives, so they’re not REALLY a “trauma survivor” in need of “recovery.” 

They tell themselves that to think of themselves as a “trauma survivor” is “dramatic”— the kind of thing people only do when they’re “seeking attention.” 

I’ve seen the same kind of conversations happens around addiction. 

People refuse to learn about or use the paradigm of addiction recovery to address their painful behavior, because what they’re struggling with isn’t always thought of as a “real” addiction. 

““Real” addictions are to alcohol and drugs, and maybe SOME behaviors like gambling or sex, right? What I’m struggling with OBVIOUSLY doesn’t qualify, so I really “shouldn’t” fill my head with “addiction recovery” metaphors and skills, right?” 

I’ll tell you something that maybe not every therapist or trauma survivor or addict in recovery— of which I am all three— would agree with: I just…don’t care. 

I don’t care if you want to use the word “trauma” to describe what happened to you. 

I don’t care if you want to use the concept of “addiction” to explain what you’re struggling with. 

I don’t care if the idea of calling yourself a survivor gives you the willies. 

In fact, I get it. I get all of that. I really do. 

But I don’t care. 

What I DO care is that you find some way of thinking about what you’re struggling with that will allow you to access, adapt, and use the skills, tools, and philosophies of trauma recovery. 

I do not at all care about the semantics. I care about you having access to ideas that might very well save your life. 

You don’t wanna call yourself a trauma survivor? Then don’t. Call yourself a purple people eater. But don’t let either the words “trauma” or “survivor” keep you from learning about the day to day basics of trauma recovery. 

Don’t wanna call your behavioral patterns “addiction?” Then don’t. Call them Monty Python’s Flying Circus. But don’t let the word “addiction” keep you from learning about how addiction works and how t’s realistically managed. 

The culture around us works hard to hang us up on semantics. 

It encourages us to strongly identify with certain words, and dis-identify with others. 

Not a day goes by when I don’t get someone in my social media mentions or inbox huffily demanding that I “define” “trauma”— as if MY personal definition of the concept matters. 

Let me tell you something: if you think you MIGHT be a survivor of abuse, neglect, or other trauma, then you probably have something to learn from the trauma recovery paradigm. 

If you think your behavior pattern even RESEMBLES addiction, you probably have something to learn from the addiction recovery paradigm. 

The thing is: trauma will try, hard, to get you to NOT investigate what trauma recovery is all about, by whispering in your ear that you “really” don’t “have” trauma. 

It’ll tell you you’re being dramatic. Wasting this trauma therapist’s time. Consuming resources that are better extended to a “real” trauma survivor. 

Addiction famously does the same thing. It’ll get in your ear and whisper that you don’t “really” have a problem— that “they” might have addiction problems, but you? YOU can quit any time you want. 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have time to play semantic games with either my trauma OR my addiction. 

I have a life to get back to. 

Call your struggles whatever you want. Use, or don’t use, whatever terms you need to. 

But learn about recovery. 

Learn the philosophies, the skills, the tools. 

Don’t let uncomfortable labels keep you from accessing the stuff that’s gonna save your life.