Adults are vulnerable to complex trauma, too.

It can be really hard for complex trauma survivors to find compassion for the kid we once were. 

One of the big struggles of trauma recovery is finding patience and compassion for that kid we were once upon a time— and it’s often not easy. 

But, with enough patience and consistency in our recovery, we can often get there— and start to experience tender feelings for the kid we once were, who never should have experienced so much of what they did experience. 

However, even survivors who DO manage to feel some sympathy, or even forgiveness, for that kid we once were, often struggle to extend that SAME sympathy or forgiveness to their adult self. 

Feeling compassion for our adult self often feels…just beyond us. 

MAYBE we can find some sympathy for the kid we once were— because, you know, kids are kids. They’re young, they’re small. They’re not supposed to know any better. 

But adults? Well, adults are “supposed” to know better. 

That’s what we tell ourselves, anyway. 

Why on earth SHOULD I feel “patience” or “sympathy” or “compassion” for myself as an ADULT, when obviously I “should” be impervious to the factors that made me vulnerable as a child? 

That’s what we often think, anyway. 

Finding compassion for the adult we are, or the younger adult who we were, is often really, really hard for trauma survivors. 

We don’t like to think we’re vulnerable to complex trauma as adults. 

We don’t like to think we’re vulnerable to manipulation or gaslighting as adults. As kids, sure, maybe it makes sense that we’d be vulnerable to mind f*ckery back then. But as an adult? C’mon. 

Or so we say to ourselves. 

Here’s the thing; adults ARE vulnerable to complex trauma, because EVERYONE is vulnerable to complex trauma. 

Complex trauma results from traumatic stressors that occur over time; that are entwined in our important relationships; and that we experience as inescapable. 

We don’t “age out” of any of those risk factors. We’re as vulnerable to them as adults, as we were when we were kids. 

Are we vulnerable to complex trauma in the same ways as we were when we were kids? In a lot of ways, no. 

But “differently vulnerable” is not necessarily the same as “less vulnerable.” 

Adults are absolutely vulnerable to complex trauma. Nether age nor intelligence necessarily makes us less vulnerable. 

There are, in fact, multiple types of complex trauma that adults are MORE vulnerable to than kids. 

Ask cult survivors. 

Ask survivors of abusive romantic or sexual relationships. 

Ask survivors of religious abuse, who got involved with heir churches as a cults. 

Ask ex-members of certain political movements. 

Ask survivors of financial exploitation. 

The younger adult we were, who experienced complex trauma, is as deserving of love, compassion, and forgiveness as the kid we once were, who experienced abuse or neglect. 

And the younger adult we once were NEEDS that love, compassion, and forgiveness as much as that kid we once were. 

Be cool to kid-you— and younger-adult-you. 

They are ALL you— and, if trauma recovery is going to realistically fly, they ALL need you.