Every goddamn thing, all the goddamn time.

There are people reading this who know what it’s like to feel responsible for every goddamn thing, all the goddamn time. 

They also know what it’s like to feel very burned the f*ck out. 

For many, the experience started when they were young. 

They may not remember when, but they do remember that at some point it was just understood that thy were responsible for managing the reactions and feelings of the people around them. 

Many people who felt this way were complimented on how “mature” they were for their age. 

Sometimes they were called “old souls.” 

They were kids— but, ever since they can remember, they’ve carried a certain weight on their shoulders. 

It’s not a physical weight— though we often feel its effects QUITE physically, don’t we? 

It’s an emotional weight. 

It’s the weight of being expected to perfectly hold your sh*t together at a time of life when we’re not designed to BE perfect at holding our sh*t together. 

It’s the weight of being made to feel at fault for everything, and responsible for everything, the happens not only to you, but AROUND you as well. 

There are lots of reasons some of us were handed this weight. 

Sometimes it was because a parent or other caretaker died or was otherwise absent. 

Sometimes it was because the adults that WERE there, weren’t up to the emotional or other tasks of parenting or running a sane, stable household. 

Sometimes it was just…because. 

Very few people who have that weight handed to them have the thought, “I SHOULDN’T have been handed this. I’m not READY for this. I should have HELP with this.” 

More often, we think, “even if another person my age couldn’t handle this, I can handle this. I’m the exception. I can make it work.” 

You know what happens when kids are expected to be adults, emotionally or otherwise? They miss the opportunity to be kids. 

And kids kind of NEED to be kids. 

Not because childhood is this magical time of carefree spontaneity. As many people reading this can tell you, it’s very often…not that. 

Rather, kids need the chance to be kids because it’s when we’re kids that we should, by rights, get the kind of modeling and guidance we need to become thoughtful, effective, compassionate (and self-compassionate) adults. 

When we don’t get that, because we’re busy being the ACTUAL grown ups in our ass-backwards family, we often enter into adulthood lacking the skills, tools, and experiences necessary to BE thoughtful, effective, compassionate adults. 

Then, when we realize something’s gone wrong, who do we blame?

That’s right— we tend to blame ourselves. 

Why? Because, since Day One, EVERYTHING has been our “fault,” and EVERYTHING has been our “responsibility.” 

At least, that’s what we’ve been led to believe. That’s what we’ve been conditioned to believe. That’s what we’ve believed so long, that to challenge it now feels kind of like blasphemy. 

It was not your fault that you were tasked with being the “grown up” in your family. 

It’s not your fault that you didn’t get the modeling and guidance you needed then, to regulate your emotions and set effective boundaries now. 

It’s not your fault that you were made to feel responsible for every goddamn thing, all the goddamn time. 

You deserved better. 

And you still do.